Not what one would expect

1. For my husband, navigating our refrigerator is like driving on a limited-sight distance road.  If he can’t see it on the top shelf or in front, it might as well not be there.  So when he saw this container right there on the top shelf in plain view, he gladly popped one in his mouth.  

Then he said, “These are NOT cheese cubes.  Very disappointing.” 

raw butternut squash ≠ cheese cube

2. Here is another case where things are not as they seem.  This box does not, in fact, contain curiously strong mints.

Sorry, but I am not telling you where I keep this box.

3. And here is our latest in alternate uses of vegetables.  

Younger Daughter just had her wisdom teeth out.  She’s suffering through the recovery with painkillers, homemade chicken soup, and chocolate pudding as her allies. 

The oral surgeon promises kids, “After your surgery, you can have anything you want to eat!”  This is an unfair and grossly misleading statement. The kids imagine pizza, nachos, ho-hos and all manner of junk food.  He neglects to tell them that the only thing they will want to eat is soft mush.  (A note of caution: Don’t eat anything with seeds following oral surgery!)

We devised this method of applying ice to the jaw.

* * * * *

Recipe for Non-Pharmaceutical Reduction of Jaw Swelling

Ingredients:

2 bags of frozen peas

1 long-sleeved shirt

2 longish twisties

Insert a bag of frozen peas (do not defrost) in the upper sleeve of the shirt.  Apply a twistie just below the bag of peas to stop it from sliding down the sleeve.  Repeat in the other shirt sleeve.   Put the shirt over the patient’s back, with the sleeves hanging down in front.  The frozen peas should end up right next to the patient’s jaw on either side.  After twenty minutes, put the peas back in the freezer for 20 minutes.  Repeat until it is time to return to school, three or four days later. 

After the first time around, you may have to break up the re-frozen peas by throwing the bags on the table a few times.  This in itself is cathartic and improves the mental health of the caregiver.

Swelling reduction technology

* * * * *

Our dental hygienist (also known in our household as the high priestess Barb) gave me this idea.  I think she might have said to use a long sock, which probably works even better than a shirt. 

Despite being drugged up, Younger Daughter was paying attention when I put this together.  The next day she rigged it up for herself, only instead of grabbing the unopened bags of peas out of the freezer, she grabbed a partially used bag of peas, and an almost depleted bag of green beans.  As she applied it to her jaw, the bags came open a little bit, and a few peas got ground into my shirt.  It turned my white shirt (not the one in the photo) a little bit green.  But that’s okay, as long as my sweet little girl’s pain is reduced. 

In conclusion, I leave you with these wishes for the day:  

May your cheese cubes be clearly labeled.  

May you find dark chocolate in delightful places.  

May your jaw function normally.