Friday, March 31, 2017

Let Us Eat Cake

Cake served to Presbyterians
 Jan 5, 2017 dinner conversation
Husband:  I take it you didn’t make any cake.

Me:  No, I told you I wasn’t going to make cake.  Until tomorrow.

Son:  You’re making a cake tomorrow?!

Me:  The main part I want to get across is that I wasn’t going to make a cake.
But if I did make a cake, what kind of cake would you want?

Husband:    Large.

Younger Daughter:  What kind of candy do you want on it?

Husband:   None.

Son:    Do you want a moist cake?

Husband:    Yes.

Son (looking up a recipe):  Dad, what do you think of this “All You Can Eat Cake”?

Husband:    Is it all I can eat?

* * * * * *
Cake that looks like a hamburger

Feb 2, 2017 dinner conversation
Me:  Tomorrow I’m talking to a friend.  One of the topics is, what issues are we passionate about.

Husband:  I am passionate about chocolate cake.  I want to know if the other side approves or disapproves of chocolate cake.  … We all have our issues.

Younger Daughter:  Not everybody shares your views.

Husband:  I don’t want to share my cake.

(This was followed by a long dispute between Husband and Younger Daughter about whether the chocolate cake should have a layer of custard in it.)

* * * * * *

Gigi's cupcake
(but not the one mentioned below).
In my opinion the cupcake pictured here has
just way too much icing.  But the gluten-free
cupcakes are to die for.  So is the price.
Meaning you will have a heart attack when you
see how much these cupcakes cost.
Feb 26, 2017 dessert conversation
We were enjoying a special treat – dark chocolate gluten-free cupcakes from Gigi’s Cupcakes.  These are cupcakes which, when heated in the microwave for about 10 seconds, greatly resemble chocolate lava cake.

Husband, pleading:  For Purim, could you make chocolate lava cakes instead of hamentaschen?

Me:  What do lava cakes have to do with Purim?  Tell us what the ancient sages said about lava cakes.

Husband:  Chocolate lava cakes remind us that Esther’s accusations against Haman rose up and SPEWED out, spreading across Persia, changing the landscape for all Jews over the millennia.

Younger Daughter: Since the beginning of Jewish history, there has been cake.

Me, to Husband:  Well, since your mother started cooking, there has been cake.  And that’s practically since the beginning of Jewish history.

(The conversation then included a discussion of the similarities between elephants and cupcakes.  “You like elephants, don’t you?  And you like cupcakes?”)

Cake served to Jews
(It should say L'Shana Tova)
* * * * * *

I STILL have not made a cake.  This does not mean that Husband did not get to eat cake, although he might tell you otherwise. 

And now it is almost Passover.  Those Ancient Sages have decreed that I should make a cake without using any leavening.  But what kind of cake should I make?  Nine-egg sponge cake, ten-egg sponge cake, or twelve-egg sponge cake?

Sunday, March 26, 2017

A pause in the conversation

A family dinner-time conversation.  

Me:  Finish off the juice.

Son:  The Jews?!

Younger Daughter:  Finish off the Jews?!

Husband, in a somber voice:  It’s been tried before….

* * * * *

Husband:  A man was in a restaurant and ordered sheep’s head.  He told the waiter, “Leave the eyes in, because it has to see us through the week.”

Kids: [groan] 

Me (thinking of the “Survivors of Dad Jokes”video):  That was a great joke…. DAD.

YD (reading my mind): We never should have shown you guys that video about Dad jokes.  … How do you measure different pauses in conversation?

Me: That was a comedic pause.

YD: But there are different lengths of comedic pauses.

Son:  There’s a comedic pause, and a pregnant pause.  There’s an awkward pause.

YD:  There’s dog paws, there’s menopause.

Husband: Santa Pause.

Me:   The pregnant pause and the menopause can only be done by certain kinds of people.

Son:  But not at the same time.

I think we are training them pretty well to take over the Dad jokes responsibility.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Morning Notes: Monday Morning Quiz

Some Monday Morning Quizzes from the 2017 series of Common Household Morning Notes

These are notes I leave for Younger Daughter to see before she heads off to the school bus in the pre-dawn hours.

Monday Morning Quiz
for Jan 9, 2017
1. I am going to fill in my answers to this Monday Morning Quiz
2. This morning for breakfast I ate:
a. eggs and toast
b. cereal
c. leftovers
d. other _______
Have a fun day learning!

Jan 23 
On this date in history
1957: toy company Wham-o produces first Frisbees.
1997: Madeline Albirght was sworn in as Secretary of State, after unanimous confirmation in the U.S. Senate.  She was America’s first female Secretary of State.

Have a Wham-O Day!

Feb 6, 2017
1. The winner of the Superbowl is
a. the Patriots
b. The Falcons
c. Do we care?
Have a super day!

Feb 13, 2017
1. There is no quiz this morning because
a) nobody interesting was born on Feb 13
b) nothing interesting happened on this date in history
c) Mom was too busy filling out the FAFSA

The only choice that wasn’t true was c.  It took me another two weeks to get it done.

Monday Morning Quiz for Feb 27
1. Who said,
“If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change.”
a. Albert Einstein
b. Abraham Lincoln
c. Michael Jackson
d. Batman

Monday Morning Quiz for March 13 – Daylight Saving Time
Today we commemorate the fact that:
a. Daylight Saving Time should be abolished because it no longer serves any useful purpose.
b. It’s not Friday the 13th.
c. There will be a snowstorm tomorrow.
d.  Option c is ridiculous – how can you commemorate something that hasnt’ happened yet?
Love, your grumpy Mom

On March 14th, there was no big snowstorm, no day off from school, not even a 2-hour delay, and we still have to put up with Daylight Saving Time and a whole heck of a lot of other annoying and heartbreaking stuff.  Add to that the fact that winter decided to come two months too late, and it seemed that Common Household Mom was finding it hard to dig her way out of grumpiness.

But lo, There Is Hope! This weekend my two older children paid us a surprise visit!  I celebrated by baking Irish Soda Bread.  They celebrated by doing their laundry in my washing machine.

They have departed now, and tomorrow there will be another Monday morning, and with it, a quiz.  I face Monday with a lighter heart, in spite of everything.  Have  Wham-O Day, dear reader!