Drugs are nice

Astute reader Kristy asked if I jot down the family’s conversations on little pieces of paper located all over the house.  How did you know?! 

My memory is shot, which is great because it means that I can reread a book and still be surprised at the ending.  But it also means that five minutes after a conversation I can’t remember a word.

On a Tuesday morning in late November, this happened.

I was already awake. Husband was still sleeping. Then his clock radio alarm plays gentle classical music.  The lights are still off.

Husband (not quite awake): How come fdmsfp bsmlafp FIVE fdusmfpd wlxpd kplds SIX dwepwl zmxkskd qplpz FIVE, dpswldlf pfslsds FIVE.

Me (fully awake):  Other than the word FIVE, I did not understand what you said.

Husband (a little more awake):  If only we could manipulate time.  Then we could go to sleep and wake up only after we are fully rested.

Me: But you would have to manipulate time while sleeping.

Husband:  Couldn’t I do it after I wake up?  I don’t want to work while I’m sleeping. …  Did Younger Daughter get up?
(This is when I reach for a scrap of paper and a pen, to write down the conversation.  In the dark.) 
  

Me:    Yes, she did.  I woke briefly when she left the house at 6:30.  Thank God I was able to sleep last night.  With the help of drugs.

(Benadryl is my sleep aid, people.  Nothing stronger.)

Husband: Drugs are nice. What the world needs is more drugs.

                                                                                    * * * * * *

And that’s the thought that I want this blog to enter the new year with.  Some of us may need more drugs in order to make it through 2017.  And hopefully we’ll have a pen that works.  Because we are going to need to pay attention and take notes.  And drugs.

Non-working pen + dark room =
senseless chicken scratch.
Appropriately, this paper is
the back of a prescription receipt.

Back Later

Due to the unfair and infernal government requirement that I shift my clocks by one hour, causing turmoil to my very soul, I shall refrain from posting here until I have recovered from the extreme grumpy state that the time change always induces in me.  Also, there's other stuff going on that I need to attend to.  I'll be back.

It Was Dad's Idea

Last Friday we suddenly discovered that it was a long weekend, with a day off school on Monday.  The Common Household Husband suggested that our Youngest Daughter have a spur-of-the-moment sleepover on Sunday.

When 11-year-old girls see each other for the first time in two days, they feel compelled to scream with delight.  As our guests arrived, they hugged and screeched in the front hallway.  I walked past the girls into the kitchen, where my husband was standing, holding his fingers in his ears.  I said pointedly, “This was your idea.”  He said, “But I thought they would be quilting.”

Dad-sponsored sleepover activities:

Eating Pizza 

Stuffed Crust Pizza! Yay for Dad!  After dinner, the girls jumped up and down in the kitchen singing camp songs at the top of their lungs.  You probably know the song “Bananas”, which starts, “Eat – Bananas, Eat, eat bananas” and ends with “Go – Bananas – go, go – bananas.”  These girls knew several other verses, for oranges and cows and such.  We heard all verses.  The neighbors probably heard too.

Scientific investigation

At about 8:30 PM, two of the girls rushed into my office and said, “We need the computer!”  I asked why, and they said breathlessly, “We need to look up eosinophil!”  I figured this was some character in a video game that they wanted information on how to beat.  “You want to look up who-what?” I said.  They exclaimed, “It’s something scientific! But first we need to know how to spell it.”  “Oh,” I said, “a scientific endeavor. Well, you certainly can use my computer for that.  And I’ll bet the Common Household Dad will know how to spell it.”  Sure enough, he did.  

We have a microscope in our spare bedroom (every spare bedroom should have one) and the Common Household Dad had gotten out the prepared slides, one of which was a sample of eosinophil.  The microscope activity probably lasted a full 15 minutes.

Observing nature

The Common Household Dad owns and operates a fish tank containing a few fish and one adult snail.  I will have nothing to do with the fish tank, which is a kindness to the fish considering my track record on taking care of the rest of the house.  To young children the fish tank is a good source of amusement, and our sleepover guests were no exception.  Apparently a spontaneous generation miracle occurred, because, as the girls were looking in the tank, one of them cried out, “Oh, look!  There’s a baby snail!”  Much proclamation of cuteness ensued.  “Oh, my gosh!  The baby snail is gigantically tiny!”  Then they started trying to explain how a single snail could have babies.

Mom-sponsored sleepover activities:

- Salad with the pizza.

- Getting up at 2:15 AM to turn off the light and make the girls go to sleep (at the request of one of the girls).  Dad slept through this part of the sleepover.

- Making misshapen eggs and rubbery pancakes for breakfast

- And attending weddings:

Weddings

The next morning after breakfast I was invited to attend some weddings.  The Common Household Dad was not invited because he had already left for an important appointment at the casino.  The game room was an utter mess, but was a good site for each of the girls to marry a stuffed animal.  The most important role seemed to be that of the flower girl.  Flowers were represented by cards.  The flower girl threw the cards up in the air and they landed all over the room.  The second most important moment was when the groom was instructed “You may now peck the bride” (when the groom was a penguin) or “You may now devour the bride” (when the groom was a polar bear).

A successful sleepover.  Good job, Dad!

Activity for this weekend: clean up the game room.  This will be a kid-sponsored activity.

Looking Forward

8 Things I am looking forward to
1. Finishing this list
2. A good night's sleep (oh, if only!)
3. Talking with the wonderful Common Household Husband
4. Talking with the wonderful Common Household Children
5. Oatmeal raisin cookies
6. Choir rehearsal
7. Working outdoors in the garden
8. The Music Man