Surefire way to get that book

Einstein and Lady Liberty 
on top of a Worm Bin.  
This photo has nothing to do with this post,
but everything to do with the world in 2025.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that there is no surer way to receive a book on hold than to download a truckload of “available now” library kindle books.

This is probably not of interest to anyone, but it is healing to me to write something, and I can’t bear to compose another letter to my #$&*# Senators right now.  I am avoiding that right now, for my mental health.

Here are the titles of the six books I downloaded (at my son’s apartment) last week while waiting for 

a) one of the seven books I had on hold, and  

b) the electricity at our house to be turned back on.  

• Knock, Knock, You’re Dead! By M.C. Beaton (A Hamish Macbeth Short Story).  2016.

• Death of a Liar, by M.C. Beaton   (Hamish Macbeth Mysteries Book 30). 2015.

• Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village, by Maureen Johnson, Illustrated by Jay Cooper. 2021.

• Look for Me There, by Luke Russert. 2023.

• The Thrifty Guide to Ancient Rome, by Jonathan W. Stokes (middle-grade). 2018.

• Gargantua and Pantagruel, by Francois Rabelais.  1564.

In desperation I first downloaded the two M.C. Beatons, but haven’t started reading either.  Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village showed up in my search, and that seemed important, AND it is ultra short.  

Then I looked for travel memoirs and found Look for Me There which promises to be good – it’s the author’s memoir about his father, journalist Tim Russert.  I am missing my parents a great deal these days, so I think I will appreciate this book.  Also showing up in my search for travel memoirs was The Thrifty Guide to Ancient Rome, for kids.  Ancient Rome was a cruel and gruesome place.  I am not in the mood for it.  I made it to page 37 (of 127 total pages) before abandoning it.

Gargantua and Pantagruel - I actually wanted to read Eugénie Grandet by Honoré de Balzac. But the library only has it on kindle in (!!) Spanish.  (It was originally written in French).  Thinking of Balzac made me think of The Music Man and the line “Chaucer!  Rabelais!  Balzac” in the song “Pick-a-little, Talk-a-little.”  And I landed on Rabelais’ Gargantua and Pantagruel. I may have read portions of it in college.  Although it is supposed to be bawdy and satirical, something we need right now, it is unlikely I will read any of the 1,041 pages.  

And then, OF COURSE, one day later, one of my books on hold arrived.  How to Age Disgracefully, by Clare Pooley (2024).  I am less than thrilled with it so far, but it is quite funny in places and the characters are growing on me.

First Lines: April 2025 edition

Redbud

 

April, as we know, is the cruelest month.  It was truly exhausting, capped at the end by a 20-minute storm that caused a two-day-seemed-like-fifty-days power outage.  The power outage broke the camel’s back – the schedule I was hurtling through came to a screeching halt.  For several days now I haven’t been able to concentrate on reading any book.

There were some good things about April.  I was cheered/challenged to be able to sing in two worship services for Holy Week.  Our Passover seder was wonderful - our son invited several friends, and our daughter and son-in-law were there too.  The pastor preached her sunrise service Easter sermon -- about birds -- as the birds chirped around us. The local grassroots groups had a well-attended Empty Seat Town Hall, and our own grassroots group held a successful and joy-producing sidewalk rally, on my dear departed aunt’s birthday.  But all along there is the fascist shit show, and then the power outage just depleted me.  

Thank goodness for cozy mysteries and short books.   There were also two DNFs but I forgot to record the opening lines.

The opening lines, without further ado:

 

Book 1

“Give it back,” muttered Isabel Dalhousie.

 

 

Book 2

December 1981 

I stood on the lacquered floor—a small woman in black with a rectangular name badge on my chest.

 

 

Book 3

The green school bus shuddered while it  hugged the curve leading to the main entrance of The Abbey: Senior Living.

 

 

Book 4

More and more people each year are going abroad for Christmas.  To celebrate the season of goodwill towards men, British Airways slams an extra one hundred and four pounds on each air ticket.  But the airports are still jammed.

 

The titles and authors revealed:

 

 

Book 1

The Novel Habits of Happiness (Isabel Dalhousie #10)

Alexander McCall Smith

272 pages • first pub 2015

fiction mystery philosophy

 

 

Book 2

The Lion Women of Tehran

Marjan Kamali

327 pages • first pub 2024

fiction historical literary

I rated this as “very good” although the reading of it was fraught with anxiety.  Everything that happens in this book to these Iranian women seems possible now in the US. It is not a spoiler to say that it’s mostly not positive.  I kept reading because the characters and the plot are lively and realistic, as real as I can imagine them from my American point of view.  This book is very popular - it took ages for the Kindle version from the library to be available. All kinds of content warnings - rape, sexual abuse, sex discrimination, and more.  I read it for book club at the end of April.

 

 

Book 3

Old Habits Die Hard (Nun the Wiser Mysteries Book 1)

By Melissa Westemeier

Great characters, fun to read.  Review here.

 

 

Book 4

A Highland Christmas (Hamish Macbeth Mysteries, No. 16)

By M.C. Beaton

160 pages • first pub 1999

fiction mystery

I decided to give M.C. Beaton’s Hamish Macbeth series another try, choosing an earlier book in the series.  This one is quite short, which was just what I needed.  This is the second book I have read this year containing a character named Morag, a name I am not sure how to pronounce.  And I just realized that both books are by M.C. Beaton. The mysteries in this book involved stolen Christmas lights and a missing cat.  Charming and light.

 

 

DNF #1

Womanist Midrash: A Reintroduction to the Women of the Torah and the Throne

by Wilda C. Gafney

302 Print Pages.  2017

Presbyterian Publishing Corporation

More difficult to read than I had imagined it would be.  It’s a scholarly work.  But I loved the opening!  Which you can’t read because I forgot to note it down.

 

 

DNF #2

 The Guncle (The Guncle #1)

By Steven Rowley

326 pages • first pub 2021

fiction contemporary lgbtqia+

I got a third of the way through before the library snatched back the kindle version.  But I was not that interested, tbh.  A lot of talk about show business.  I liked the portrayal of relationships lost, but couldn’t keep track of who was whose sibling.  That is probably more me than the writing.

Nebby Nun: A book review of "Old Habits Die Hard"

Lone bird on a branch at sunset.
Outside "Fennel Farmhouse" at
"Fairfield" retirement center

Old Habits Die Hard

By Melissa Westemeier

265 pages.  Published 2025.

I loved this book!  In all her books, Ms. Westemeier knows how to create characters the reader can feel sympathetic toward, despite their foibles and failings (the characters, not the readers).  I find it hard to read a book with no sympathetic characters.

Sister Bernadette (“please call me Bernie”) is a nun, retired from teaching, and living in a retirement home located in the building that was formerly the school where she taught.  This woman knows how to tell a fib, or ten fibs if necessary.  She knows the best places to hide out for eavesdropping.  But that’s blessed behavior, because it’s all done to solve a mystery in service to humankind.  I like the portrayal of the police detectives, one of whom was Bernie’s student back in the day.  And loved the author’s clever way of naming one of the bad guys, to evoke a real-life bad guy.  

This is a murder mystery, but not too gruesome for me to read.  The good news for me is that this is Nun the Wiser Mysteries Book 1, the first in a series.  I know it might be a while, but I am looking forward to the next adventures of Bernie the retired teacher-nun.   I haven’t met the author in real life but have corresponded with her.  I feel that we are like sisters – not nun sisters, but soul sisters.

Like in Alexander McCall Smith’s books (of which I am also fond), this one includes some poignant observations about humanity and the world.  And also a brief but accurate description of how snorkeling can blow one’s mind.  

The setting reminded me very much of the retirement place where my parents and aunt lived.  To preserve anonymity I will call that place "Fairfield" on this blog.  To my knowledge there never has been a murder at the real-life Fairfield retirement center.  In Old Habits Die Hard,  the author expertly captures the pace of life, the way people interact, the daily events of a retirement center – all spot on, based on my visits to Fairfield.

The real-life Fairfield campus still has the original farm owner’s house, which I will call Fennel Farmhouse.  For many years, it was set up as a guest house with four guest rooms, and our whole extended family would stay there while visiting my Mom, Dad, and Auntie.  Fennel Farmhouse had a back staircase, with secret access to each of the guest rooms, and the creepiest basement in the universe.  There was a full kitchen with many sharp cooking implements.  The fancy living room and dining room provide ample space for elegant parties, or for Hercule Poirot to gather the suspects and reveal all.  There would be no better setting for a murder mystery.  

I mentioned to my brothers that I was reading a mystery set in a place very like Fairfield.  My brother wrote back: 

Carolyn,

I'll see your Murder-at-a-place-similar-to-Fairfield, and raise you

"Murder at Fennel Farmhouse".  I found it in a Little

Library today.  Sticker says 14.95 euros, and on sale for "buy one

get one at half price".

No idea if it's any good.

It won't be the first time I've read a dubious book purely because

the title resonates.

"Christmas is fast approaching when a dead stranger is found lodged

up the chimney of Fennel Farmhouse..."

The title to Melissa Westemeier’s book Old Habits Die Hard definitely resonates.  I found four books with that same title on the Storygraph app.  Ignore those other ones; read this one.

I highly recommend Old Habits Die Hard by Melissa Westemeier for a cozy murder mystery.  Well done, Melissa!

The John Grisham section in the library
at "Fairfield" retirement center.

Hot Scots

This is how I picture Scotland looking.
Except with more rocks.
This is a park in Southwestern PA.

Today Bibliomama’s post prompted me to log onto my library’s website to find out official library policy on # of holds.  In the scrolling bar of newly acquired books, the title “Some Like It Scot” flew by.  I like reading about Scotland, perhaps due to my ancestry, our area’s topographical likeness to Scotland, or my Presbyterianish soul.  My original info quest was derailed.  

My library’s Libby has two books with this title, apparently both bodice-rippers.  (Storygraph has even more with this title – all romances.)

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

The first book

Here is the first part of Libby’s description of Some Like it Scot by Suzanne Enoch (published in 2015), copied exactly as I see it on my screen:

CAN A CLASH OF WILLS

Nineteenth-century, Scotland:

When a mad lass in trousers shoots at him, Munro “Bear” MacLawry isn’t sure what impresses him more-the girl’s sure aim or her irresistibly tempting curves.  Catriona MacColl has fled to the Highlands with her half-sister to escape an unwanted wedding,  and wants no part of him, nor any  man.  But he can’t abandon the flame-haired, sharp-tongued wildcat now that he’s discovered her-not when she fits so perfectly in his arms…

LEAD TO A LOVE FOR ALL TIME?

(etc etc etc)

That first line really threw me.  What? Can a clash of wills do WHAT?   Put the clash of wills in a can?   

Sidebar for family nostalgia moment.  When we were kids, we had a book about an ill-mannered, prankish, and orthographically-challenged British schoolboy named Nigel Molesworth, who attended a suboptimal boarding school.  My father attended a British boarding school in India, so we felt a family connection.  Molesworth describes a geography test, with the following questions:

Q: Are the Andes?

A: I ask you! Are the Andes? wot a question. Wot does it mean clot? Do you mean WERE the Andes? Of course they were. They didn’t pop up overnite you kno. Nor will they pop off agane but i wish you would.

Q. In Africa?

A. i am waiting. the lunatick bin is second turning on the right. they will be waiting for you. In africa indeed! n.b. if the words “in Africa” belong to “Are the Andes” i neither kno nor care.

(I found this quote at this blog post about witty exam answers:  https://schutzer9.wordpress.com/2013/12/04/whats-the-best-thing-thats-ever-happened-to-you-as-a-tramp-and-other-stories-to-be-contd/   This book was apparently a big thing Britain during a certain era.)

In any situation, if you want to make my brothers or me laugh, just say, “Are the Andes?” This is what the first line of this book description reminded me of.

Back to the important matter at hand.  After reading the whole book description, I realized it’s meant to be read as a movie trailer.  The book title does not capitalize “it”.  What should be em dashes are written as hyphens.  The library categorizes this book’s audience:  “Mature Content”.

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

The second book

Libby’s description of Some Like It Scot by Donna Kauffman (published in 2010), copied exactly as I see it on my screen:

There Goes The Bride…

She’s cautious, careful – and about to lose control of her future to a marriage of inconvenience.  So, what can reluctant bride Katie McAuley do?  Easy – let a modern-day prince charming spirit her away for a month to his Scottish castle.  There she can take refuge from her overbearing family and finally figure out what she really wants.  But the more Katie sees of Graham McLeod, the harder it’s getting to keep their arrangement strictly business…

(etc etc etc)

And here are some of the blurbs:

“Their Scottish brogues and sexual prowess will tingle your spine and…just make you feel good.”  – Romantic Times on Bad Boys In Kilts

“No one does a Scot quite like Ms. Kauffman.”  - Coffee Time Reviews

The library categorizes this book’s audience: “General Content”.  I wonder who decides these things.

Thankfully, this book description employs the em dashes properly.

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Despite these tantalizing reviews, I’ll be sticking to the “44 Scotland Street” and “Isabel Dalhousie” series by Alexander McCall Smith, for my Scot needs.  Or maybe I should read up on Adam Smith or David Hume, two fine Scottish men, I’m sure. 

I still don’t know my library’s Kindle hold policy.

Or maybe Scotland looks like this sometimes.
This is somewhere along the PA Turnpike, 
taken in 2021.  No bodices in evidence.

Unofficial National Holidays

Some non-Hostess-brand snacks for
a non-cannabis book club gathering.

On “Tax Day”, that universally acknowledged and scorned US observance, I was in the car on the way to mail my deceased aunt’s final tax returns, when I heard an announcement on the radio.  The announcer said that this week through April 20th, Hostess brands is going to station a Munchie Mobile outside cannabis dispensaries.  I don’t partake of either, but I thought the world should know, because these are ripe times for both unrestricted cannabis and unrestricted snacks.  Seems like a golden opportunity for J. M. Smucker, now the hapless owner of the Hostess brand, which brought us such delicacies as the Twinkie, the Ding Dong, and Donettes.

I heard this on, of all places, the classical music radio station.  Yet another way in which our world is topsy turvy.

Forbes calls April 20th “the unofficial national holiday”. 

At the Post Office there was a lengthy line of law-abiding citizens who were there to get the official USPS date stamp on their tax return.  If only we could count on the government on the receiving end to also be law abiding.  

Our nation's flag, on Nov 4, 2016

Where will these citizens be on Apr 20th, I wonder?

While I was there, I realized I could get some of those pre-stamped postcards.  Which I intend to use to send messages to my Senators.  I bought fifty.  What messages should I send to them?

Then on the way back home, my car’s Check Engine light came on.  My anxiety skyrockets when this light comes on.  But I have learned that, unlike some current dangers, the light often just goes away after a while.  

May it be so.

Some tax-related political rally costumes of the past (first one still applies today):