Saturday, August 18, 2012

Common Household Proverb

O, my daughter, listen and pay heed to my instruction.  You shall brush your teeth twice daily; even three times would not be too many.  Neither shall you brush with straight up and down strokes, but with a steady circular motion, thus to remove the plaque from just below your gums. Remove the plaque, and make your teeth whiter than snow.  Let them be like a flock of sheep just shorn.  For the plaque is an abomination, and will lead to cavities.

You say to me, in your rebelliousness, “They are my teeth, so I can do with them what I want.”  And I erupt with anger and hot displeasure, and with a voice of thunder declare, “I am only telling you this for your own good.”  

These are the regulations concerning your teeth.  After three months, you must go and show your teeth to the high priestess Barb, the dental hygienist.  If she finds that your teeth are clean, then you may return to the assembly of the people and consume fudge once in a while.  If she declares your teeth to be a mess of plaque, then your neglectful habits shall become known in the land.  For expiation you shall pay me US$ 75 out of your own birthday money, for that is what it costs for an extra dental cleaning, and there is no reason for me to pay this when I am already supplying you with an electric toothbrush and fluoride toothpaste.  For you must brush your teeth, so that I may stop gnashing mine.
                        -The Book of Admonitions 27:35

The wise brush daily; the fools get only cavities.
                        - Proverbs 82:3

7 comments:

Angie said...

You are too funny. Good luck. Bob and I have fought that same battle. Maybe I should have written admonishing scripture.

Joanie said...

Oh, Carolyn! Yea to thee! Thou art a scribe indeed, as no other scribe before thee! You lift my heart and maketh the corners of my mouth turn upwards! You maketh my fingertips taketh to the keyboard to tap out my praises! I will forever sing your praises!

Alison said...

(laughing too hard to come up with anything clever to post)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You need to publish these admonitions. I would buy the collection and give them as gifts to friends--a gift of LAUGHTER!

Cassi Renee said...

Ah --this one is great!

Emma just had her cleaning, and I'm telling you, ACT fluoride rinse is the only thing saving her butt. That stuff is a miracle worker for kids with poor brushing skills :-)

I agree with Green Girl --these deserved to be collected and shared.

Suburban Correspondent said...

Oh, I like this!

Chad, Katie and Chloe said...

I love it. Teeth brushing for our kids tend to be the exception vs the norm. When school starts back up it will be Chad's job!