Einstein's Night Out

It’s been all busy all the time in the Common Household lately.  Birthdays, the college kid coming home, reacting to late corn planting stats, end-of-year concerts, extra transport to and from AP tests, and the like.  A lot of stuff is happening on the mother-in-law front, but I am not allowed to talk about it here.  I am also not allowed to talk about the holes that the plumber put in the living room ceiling.

Last night the Common Household Husband and I accompanied our son to the American Chemists Society award banquet.  As we were leaving the house, at the last minute I decided to put Einstein in my purse. Einstein has been staying at our house since the Science Bowl back in March, but since then, he hasn’t been out much.

As we were driving into town, my husband started humming “Strangers in the Night” in a particularly schmaltzy way. Son said, “Dad.  You’re not going to embarrass me at the banquet, are you?”

We got to the banquet, and I suddenly got really nervous about making small talk with chemists, despite the fact that I make dinner conversation with scientists nearly every day.  I embarrassed myself by bumping the table and spilling everyone’s water, by dribbling food on my lap (because I couldn’t get close enough to the table without bumping it), and doing other inept things. 

We finished dinner and it was time for awards for aspiring chemists in middle school and high school, and accomplished chemists who had been members of the ACS for 50+ years.  Lots of clapping, but no undignified hooting and hollering.   Then the formal part of the event was over.  Time for Einstein to party!  I freed Einstein from my purse, and started taking lots of photos of him, until Son said, “Mom!  You’re embarrassing me!”    Yes, and it won’t be the last time I do that, either.

I think Einstein had a good time.

Einstein approves of the banquet program.

Einstein in the official photograph corner.  Nice logos, eh?

Every scientist should have Einstein in his or her pocket.

Hallmark Day Vignettes

At breakfast this morning no one else was up but my son and me.  I passed him the Sunday comics, before I had even read them myself, because I’m that kind of Mom. He usually doesn’t speak during breakfast, but today he said to me, “Oh, Happy Mother’s Day….It’s a good thing that Charlie Brown mentioned Mother’s Day.”

* * * * *

In the afternoon I successfully avoided having to go see the movie Iron Man 3.  Youngest Daughter also opted to stay home.  After the others left to go to the movie, she asked me, “Mommy, would you like to go upstairs for several hours while I make a Mother’s Day surprise for you?”

Every mother shudders to think what ‘surprises’ her child could concoct, given several hours alone, and how expensive it would be to make the repairs after such surprises. 

I said, “Okay, but you have to use a real recipe!” Then I decided to throw caution to the wind – I went upstairs to take a nap.  How much trouble could a 13-year-old make?  I heard some clattering of dishes, which was okay.  It’s when there is no noise at all that you know real trouble is brewing.

She made a sort of ‘spice bread’ which was tasty but had not quite enough baking powder in it.  This is the sign that she made up her own recipe. I said, “But I told you to use a real recipe.”  She said, “I never promised to do that.”

* * * * *

When the others got back from the movie, Oldest Daughter asked me, “Are you interested in playing a Mother’s Day game of ‘Settlers of Catan’?”

Um, no!  Instead I read my book, which is Barack Obama’s memoir Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance.  To me, it’s much more fascinating than settling Catan.

All in all, a very good day, especially for someone who doesn't like Mother's Day.  I hope all my readers had a good day, too.

Trying to break the record for the most number of times
a photo of Settlers of Catan is posted to a blog.

Unemployment stats

The national unemployment rate for teenagers is 22.5%.  On Monday the Common Household unemployment rate for teenagers was 100%.  In their defense, the two household teenagers eligible for summer jobs have been concentrating on taking exams, and that is as it should be.  They did make some effort to find jobs in early April, before all this test-taking started, but without success. 

From my completely unbiased perspective, local businesses should be fighting to hire these two worthy individuals.  Hey, Local Businesses, these are hard-working, trustworthy kids.  Please hire them for the next two months.  You could even get a two-fer – hire both of them at the same time.  A sibling package!

On April 15, I expressed my frustration that neither kid had been able to line up a summer job yet.  I said to my son, “I don’t understand it.  You and Oldest Daughter should be highly employable.”  He said, “Well, at least I’m tax deductible.”

The next day, he was planning to go out hunting for a summer job.  I was hoping he was finding the right method to follow on this task.  I asked, philosophically, “Have you found your path?”  Son said, “I can find the length of a path using integrals…”

He had applied to Subway sandwich shops.  I asked him why he wanted to work there, and he said he hoped they would give him free sandwiches.  He made it sound like all we fed him was hardtack and gruel, like he should wear a sign that says “Will Work For Food.”  (Actually that could save me quite a bit of money.) He also applied to the local ice cream shop, probably for a similar reason.

 He was very disappointed to find out recently that the ice cream shop was not hiring anybody else for the summer.

His latest thought: “Maybe I could get a summer job at the Ski Shop.”

On Wednesday we brought Oldest Daughter home from college.  By Thursday afternoon she had been hired on the spot as an aide at a local nursing home. Thanks, Local Business!  The Common Household unemployment rate is dropping fast.  Demand for the family car will be increasing accordingly.

Philosophy of Cake and Ice Cream

For some time, my husband and son had been pining for cake.  Numerous times in April, the Common Household Husband was heard sighing, “I don’t suppose anybody made any cake this evening.” Son was the same, saying, “Did I hear someone say there was cake?”

My response was always, “No, there is no cake.  I did not have time to make any cake.”

One day a few weeks ago, my husband asked me, “Do we have complete tort or limited tort?”

Me:  We don’t have ANY CAKE at all.  I did not have time to make cake.

Husband:  I was talking about the car insurance.  That’s ‘tort: t-o-r-t.’

Youngest Daughter: What is tort?

Son:  I know what torte is – it’s cake!

* * * * *

Then, last week:

Son:  Tomorrow is Oldest Daughter’s birthday.  Are we having cake?

Me:  I mailed her cake to her at college.

Husband, to Son:  Do you think that when it’s somebody else’s birthday, you get cake?

Son:  Yeah.  Why not?

Me:  There are a lot of birthdays coming up.  Don’t worry, you’ll get some cake.  (to husband) What kind of cake does Grandma like?

YD, hinting broadly:  She likes apple pie.

(It is well known that YD prefers pie for her birthday cake.  I know that my mother loves both pie and cake, but I was referring to my mother-in-law, who would be visiting us on her birthday.)

Me:    I was talking about your other Grandma.  I think she would like that chocolate cake that I make.

Husband:  Yes, I think she likes chocolate cake.

Much discussion followed about Son’s birthday/graduation party. He hadn’t been planning on having a celebration, but I guess he figured out it would be a great way to get some cake.

YD got out the Klondike bars for dessert.  Husband decided to have half a Klondike bar, cutting it cross-ways.

YD:  Why are you cutting it that way?

Husband:  It tastes better as a triangle.  It’s Hegelian.

(If you were a philosophy major in college, then you get to say your ice cream is Hegelian.)

Me, guessing about Hegel’s philosophy, which I heard of a very long time ago in relation to Marxism, which I learned about when I was a Soviet Studies major, and wondering what that has to do with triangles or ice cream:  Thesis, antithesis, and, and, and….

Husband:  And superego – is that the word you’re looking for?

Me:  I don’t know enough about Hegel’s philosophy.

Husband:  Hegel’s philosophy was all about threes.  It’s heavily based on Christian theology. Schopenhauer made fun of Hegel.

Son:  Does it taste even better if it is an equilateral triangle?

* * * * *

I had to look up how to spell Schopenhauer on Wikipedia, where I saw that, appropriately, his philosophy was all about continually seeking satisfaction.  This weekend, the Common Household Males finally got their cake, because it was Grandma’s birthday. From each according to her birthday, to each according to his need for cake.

Not a Platonic cake

That is all

Yesterday I took the winter hats, gloves, scarves, and boots to the attic.

That is all.

Rhododendron (or azalea if you prefer)

Kwanzan Cherry tree blossoms

Kwanzan Cherry tree

Has anything got you breathing a sigh of relief?

Rainbows and Unicorns

I learned a new word last week:  spectroscopy.  Son was invited by his teacher to attend the Spectroscopy Society Banquet in May.  We discussed it at dinner, of course.

Youngest Daughter:  What is spectroscopy?

Me:  It is not colonoscopy.

Son:  Spectroscopy is the study of rainbows.

Youngest Daughter:  And unicorns?

(Of course, rainbows go with unicorns!)

Son:  No.

Youngest Daughter:  What is the study of unicorns called?

Son:  Theology.

Youngest Daughter:  Why did Son say that theology is the study of unicorns?

Me:  I don’t know!  There are no unicorns in the Bible.

Youngest Daughter:  The Bible could do with some unicorns.

I told my husband about this conversation, and he decided to search on Google.  Not for spectroscopy, but for unicorns in the Bible.  It turns out that unicorns are in the Bible!  In the King James Version, anyway.  It’s authorized, so it must be true.   

Locations of biblical unicorns – Numbers 23:22,  Numbers 24:8, Deut 33:17, Job 39:9-10, Psalm 22:21, Psalm 29:6, Psalm 92:10, Isaiah 34:7.

The Hebrew word for ‘unicorn’ is translated as ‘wild ox’ or ‘rhinoceros’ in every other translation. 

I could have asked Google about spectroscopy, but it’s much shorter to ask my son. “What good is spectroscopy?” I asked.  He replied, “Well, you can discover things with it.” 

“Like what?” 

“Helium.”

I know that Helium is good and discovered already, so I asked my husband, who gave me a lengthy informative explanation but it was after 11 p.m. so I don’t remember much.  It has to do with flinging parts of molecules around and creating a spectrum, which then reveals rainbows and unicorns. 

Science is so beautiful!