Beverages of the Apocalpyse

This excellent basket included some
beautiful hand-knitted items, including
that red Norwegian-style resistance hat.

I am now stocked up on Beverages of the Apocalypse.  We won a basket at a recent event, which included a whole bunch of hot chocolate packets.  When I make hot chocolate, I usually make it by heating milk in the microwave and adding dark cocoa and sugar.  But the microwave just broke, so the packets are welcome.  And I just re-ordered a bunch of tea and chocolate from Equal Exchange.  

A recent phone conversation with Younger Daughter:

Me:  Did you hear about the meteor that was over Ohio?  K saw it!

Younger Daughter:  You know, we’ve had a lot of signs of The Apocalypse lately.  In the past few years we’ve had an eclipse, a plague, and now a meteor.  Am I wrong?

Me: We’ve also had a giant wind storm (last year and this year), power outages that lasted a long time, and yet another windstorm, followed by snow.

YD:Yes, we had a lot of snow and cold this winter. 

Me: AND the microwave broke.

YD: Are you ready to be raptured yet?

Me: “Take me away, Calgon!”

YD: I don’t know who Calgon is.

- - - - - - - 

The correct phrase from the commercials of my childhood is “Calgon, take me away!”  

The fact that I still remember this phrase proves the efficacy of advertising slogans.  The reminiscence led me down a rabbit hole, courtesy of Youtube, which revealed the changing portrayal of stresses in US (white) women’s lives. 

In the 1960s, the ad slogan was “Calgon Bouquet: nicest thing that’s happened to you since him.”  The woman is defined by her service to others - the husband and the children.  The ad is narrated entirely by a male voice.

In 1977 the commercial for Calgon has “the dog, the telephone, the children, the doorbell” as the stresses in the woman’s life.  The woman is still anchored to a life solely at home.  The ad starts with a male voice narrating, but the woman has one line, the famous “Calgon, take me away!”  The scene shifts to a ludicrously giant bathtub in a room with huge windows (no curtains!) for the enjoyment of the bubble bath.

By 1979 the woman now obviously has a job outside the home.  The stresses are: traffic, the male boss yelling, and then at home – the baby and the dog.  A microcosm of the economy which had (white) women joining the work force but also still responsible for most of home life.  Calgon takes her away to the same kind of bathing area with a ridiculous number of 3-story-high pillars.

In the 1980s the commercial is much shorter. By now all of American knows the schtick and all the woman has to say is the one famous line.  The bathroom scene is not shown in a wide angle.  

The internet shows no evidence that Calgon commercials ever featured a person of color. 

The fact that the next generation knows nothing of Calgon taking us away surely means that the Apocalypse is on its way. How about you, dear reader, what would be your favorite Beverage of the Apocalypse?

If there is going to be an Apocalypse,
I will need Peach schapps.

Let Us Eat Cake

Cake served to Presbyterians

 Jan 5, 2017 dinner conversation

Husband:  I take it you didn’t make any cake.

Me:  No, I told you I wasn’t going to make cake.  Until tomorrow.

Son:  You’re making a cake tomorrow?!

Me:  The main part I want to get across is that I wasn’t going to make a cake.

But if I did make a cake, what kind of cake would you want?

Husband:    Large.

Younger Daughter:  What kind of candy do you want on it?

Husband:   None.

Son:    Do you want a moist cake?

Husband:    Yes.

Son (looking up a recipe):  Dad, what do you think of this “All You Can Eat Cake”?

Husband:    Is it all I can eat?

* * * * * *

 

Cake that looks like a hamburger

Feb 2, 2017 dinner conversation

Me:  Tomorrow I’m talking to a friend.  One of the topics is, what issues are we passionate about.

Husband:  I am passionate about chocolate cake.  I want to know if the other side approves or disapproves of chocolate cake.  … We all have our issues.

Younger Daughter:  Not everybody shares your views.

Husband:  I don’t want to share my cake.

(This was followed by a long dispute between Husband and Younger Daughter about whether the chocolate cake should have a layer of custard in it.)

* * * * * *

Gigi's cupcake
(but not the one mentioned below).
In my opinion the cupcake pictured here has
just way too much icing.  But the gluten-free
cupcakes are to die for.  So is the price.
Meaning you will have a heart attack when you
see how much these cupcakes cost.

Feb 26, 2017 dessert conversation

We were enjoying a special treat – dark chocolate gluten-free cupcakes from Gigi’s Cupcakes.  These are cupcakes which, when heated in the microwave for about 10 seconds, greatly resemble chocolate lava cake.

Husband, pleading:  For Purim, could you make chocolate lava cakes instead of hamentaschen?

Me:  What do lava cakes have to do with Purim?  Tell us what the ancient sages said about lava cakes.

Husband:  Chocolate lava cakes remind us that Esther’s accusations against Haman rose up and SPEWED out, spreading across Persia, changing the landscape for all Jews over the millennia.

Younger Daughter: Since the beginning of Jewish history, there has been cake.

Me, to Husband:  Well, since your mother started cooking, there has been cake.  And that’s practically since the beginning of Jewish history.

(The conversation then included a discussion of the similarities between elephants and cupcakes.  “You like elephants, don’t you?  And you like cupcakes?”)

Cake served to Jews
(It should say L'Shana Tova)

* * * * * *

I STILL have not made a cake.  This does not mean that Husband did not get to eat cake, although he might tell you otherwise. 

And now it is almost Passover.  Those Ancient Sages have decreed that I should make a cake without using any leavening.  But what kind of cake should I make?  Nine-egg sponge cake, ten-egg sponge cake, or twelve-egg sponge cake?

Sweets Conversation

This is a ceramic cupcake.  We own it, although I am not sure why.

A recent after-dinner conversation

Husband (eating a chocolate bar): This chocolate is made entirely of endangered species.

 (He was referring to this chocolate bar.  YD was unfazed by his provocative statement.)

YD: Speaking of which, what is a spotted dick?

Me (not knowing what a spotted dick is, but letting my imagination get the better of me): If I were you I’d be careful talking about such things in mixed company.

Husband:    Of course, there’s the yellow-breasted booby.  But you’re not supposed to learn about that until you’re older.

YD (still unfazed):  I already know about that – it’s a kind of bird.  Who was your first woman?

Me:  (choking)

Husband:  Lucille Ball.   I watched her on TV every night.

YD:  Dad!  I mean not on TV or in your dreams but in real life.  Who was your first date?

I am not sure how he answered that question, because by then I was bravely googling ‘spotted dick.’  I was hoping it was something as innocent as a kind of African antelope.

This is a dikdik.  It is not spotted.

It turns out it is a British dessert, a sort of a pudding with dried fruit for the spots. You should trust me on that, because if you google “spotted dick” you will be seeing ads for T-shirts saying “I love spotted dick” every time you get on the internet.

This is Spotted Dick.  Microwaveable.
Thankfully, I have never seen this in my local grocery store.

One big thing that is wrong with this post is that it does not include pie.  Sadly, I have not had the time to make a pie in quite a long time.

Travel Tips

Hibiscus, like the Dear Old Folks, still blooming despite
the onset of autumn.

This past weekend I went to the Old Folks’ Home.  I guess I am not supposed to call it that, but dammit, that’s what it is.  There are many pleasant things about this Old Folks’ Home, but parts of the visit are always difficult, and those are the parts I can’t tell you about. 

Here are some tips that I find helpful on any trip, but especially this one.

- Pack a survival kit

The essentials for this trip: alcohol and chocolate in
several different formats. Benadryl in case I have
to spend too much time in places I'm allergic to.

- Exercise your ability to set boundaries.

One of the great challenges of life is to remain compassionate
while also setting appropriate limits.

- Pray that you will be able to see the larger picture.  

Seeing the larger scene requires stepping back.

- If possible, bring pleasant, low-maintenance traveling companions.

Einstein brought a female traveling companion!  

Lady Liberty fights her way through the underbrush.

Einstein among the fallen.

- Don’t eat any poison berries.

Don't swallow what isn't good for you.

- Enjoy life’s colors wherever you see them.

- Look up sometimes.

In Maryland the trees were *just* starting to turn.

- Appreciate the trip home.

Oh, Pennsylvania, with your claim to the largest full-time
 legislature and yet no state budget for 100+ days,  with
your antiquated liquor laws, despite all your flaws,
my heart swells with love for you!
You are beautiful in your autumn glory.

This is what the road home looks like.  The PA Turnpike.