What we learned this year, College Sophomore Edition

My father would say, “You can always tell a sophomore, but you cannot tell him much.” 

Our rising junior, on the other hand, can say a lot about what she learned her sophomore year.  I’ve tried to boil it down to a concentrated syrup.  

Human Physiology class

Younger Daughter: I learned the different parts of the heart and how blood flows through it.  I learned about pancreatic alpha and beta cells and the way the insulin is released.  

Father and daughter joyfully begin singing the Weird Al Yankovic song: 

 “Insulin, glucagon,

   Comin' from the islets of Langerhans...”

Me:  Wait.  Pancreatic what?

YD:  The pancreatic alpha and beta cells.  We learned the ‘fasted and fed’ cycle.

Me [finding something I understand]:  I’m on the fed cycle.

YD:  Yeah, you actually are, because we just had dinner.   And we learned about the acid kine and the parts of the [she waxes on about anatomy]… and the glomerulus…

Me:  Okay, you lost me.  Let’s move on to the next class.

* * * * *

Introduction to Physics 2 class

YD:  Okay… In Physics class – did I learn anything in physics class?

Son (who tutored her all year long in physics):  Yes, you did!  

YD:  I learned that I hate ‘flipped classroom’ methods.  It’s essentially a way for a teacher to duck their responsibilities.  It means the student is responsible for teaching themselves instead of the professor teaching them.

Husband: I want this transcribed so I can share it among all of my colleagues.

…

 [Lengthy discussion of the flipped classroom model.]

…

Me:  Hmm.  So there’s not one single thing you learned in physics?

YD: The things I learned are what my brother taught me. I did not learn any thing from my physics professor.

Son (that very brother who taught her): Really.

YD:   Yes.  You were a much better professor than he was.

Son:  That’s very interesting because I didn’t know half of the stuff that you did in physics.

YD:   I learned about resistance, and whether or not it is futile.

Son:  You learned what voltage is.

YD:    Yes , I did. It took me a very long time to get that, but I did eventually learn what voltage was.

Husband:  What is the difference between voltage and power?

YD:   Um, power equals V over R.

Son:  (whispers ‘wrong!’)

YD:   Power equals V R?

Son: (whispers ‘wrong!’)

YD:    Come on! Power equals I r-squared!  Power equals voltage times current.

Son:   Ding!

* * * * *

Introduction to Film class

YD: In Film class, I learned that film is not about quality.  You should not care whether or not you like the film.  It’s not allowed.  … I learned the Coen Brothers are amazing and I love their filmography so far.

Me: She used the word ‘filmography.’

YD:  I also learned to use the word ‘mise-en-sceh.’ [She leaves off the final ‘n’.]  I don’t think that’s how you pronounce it.

Me:  ‘Mise-en- scène’.  [Pronounced ‘sen’.] 

YD:   That’s costumes, placement of the characters, background, like whether or not there are trees, or rivers going by, props that you have.  The shot itself is like the framing around those things in the mise-en-sceh ,… sceeene,…

Me:  Scène. 

Husband:  You sure it’s not Noonian Soong?

YD: It’s not Khan Nunian Soon.

Son: Did you mix up Khan with Dr. Soong?!

(Star Trek fans can refer to Khan Noonien Singh.  I had no idea what they were talking about.)

* * * * *

19^th Century British Literature class

YD: I learned that Dickens is not the champion of the poor.  I learned that George Eliot is –

Me:  Wait!  Back up.  Dickens not the champion of the poor?!

YD:  No.  Not really.

Husband:  Didn’t he make fun of the poor?

YD:  Sort of.  He doesn’t quite see them as human.  He sees them as things to be cared for. 

Husband:    He makes fun of Jews, too.

YD:  Yes, he does.  Dickens mainly is a great supporter of the middle class.  He sees the poor as people who are automatically below ‘us’, and yet should be taken care of as part of our responsibilities as the middle class.  The aristocracy must fall because they are overbloated and corrupt.

Husband:    Denny Crane said, “I have a problem with the poor.  They have no money.”

YD:  Dickens’ problem with the poor was that he didn’t like them.  He thought that they were violent and helpless.

Me: [thinking of Oliver Twist] I think I see what you mean – the orphan street boy who is saved is actually surreptitiously a part of the middle class.

YD:  Yes.  Either that or he dies, which happens in Bleak House.  Which is less bleak than you think, even though many people die in it.  And one person spontaneously combusts.  I learned that that was a viable theory in the 1800s. 

Husband:  There are still people who maintain that people can spontaneously combust.

YD:  There are some people who maintain that the earth is flat.

Husband:  That too.

* * * * *

Me (thinking back to the YD’s crisis caused by her needing to mail in a tax form before April 15^th and not having postal items): Did you learn that you should always have an envelope and stamps?

YD:  No, I didn’t, because I was able to do everything online.

Me:  But you might have needed an envelope!

* * * * *

What the Common Household Mom learned:

The youth no longer need envelopes, nor stamps, nor cash.   But they still want me to buy the groceries and make the dinner.

Not something The Youth need to know