Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Absolutely Wonderful

cherry tree in bloom April 2024

Today I went for a walk outside and discovered that spring has arrived.  I hadn’t noticed sooner that our Kwanzan cherry tree is in full bloom.  I hadn’t noticed sooner that the big lilac bush is on the verge of blooming.  I hadn’t seen until today that the neighbor’s dogwood tree looks stunning.  Suddenly today there is evidence that it is time for tiny children to learn how to ride tiny bicycles.

I don’t know yet if this is a break in my recent pattern.  In the last week of February, I was energetic enough to get myself to walk (inside, on the treadmill) every day. I was successful, for about a week, at engaging in this healthier practice.   Then my aunt died, and that exercise effort ceased.  There was just so much to do and at the same time so much to process in my head and heart.

Bleeding heart.  So delicate.

My aunt would have loved a day like today.   She was by vocation an artist, especially in watercolor painting.  She thrived on noticing color, shape, and line.  Her go-to phrase was “Absolutely wonderful!” which is how she would have described today. 

We weren’t expecting my aunt to depart so soon.  She had been quite ill, but I really thought she would turn the corner.  Earlier in the year, she said, “I’m planning to make it to 90 years old.”  I thought she would, but she missed it by a few weeks.  My last words to her were, “I love you, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”  And she replied, "Wonderful!" I had planned to drive to see her the next day, but it was not to be.  Instead, we made the trip to the funeral home.

I have conflicting emotions I am working through.  And a whole lot of estate tasks I am working through.  I was glad to have some moments today to leave all that behind and enjoy the flowers and warm air.

Lilac bush ready to bloom


Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful exchange for your last parting. And what a gift that the beauty of spring brings your aunt to mind. I hope as time passes that brings you comfort, to find her in the world, rather than pain. Sending you love and light as you process your grief. <3

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

I'm truly sorry. I wish our culture had evolved with better ways to grieve. Dealing with the many details required is overwhelming and numbing, but it doesn't allow us to truly grieve. I'm glad you had this moment of beauty and wonder. May your aunt's voice continue to speak into your life in beautiful and wonderful ways.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry. She sounds like she was delightful to know. I hope you're able to get time and space to process while not feeling like you're missing out on a season. Getting equilibrium back after a loss is tough work.