The Common Household Husband, quoted

I decided not to try to write something original today.  Instead, I bring you... 

Things My Husband Has Said Lately

Me:  We’re supposed to wear black tomorrow.  I wonder if I even have any black pants that fit.

Husband:  Well, there’s always Sharpies.

* * * * * * * *

Husband:  If you look at photos from the Israeli election you would conclude that Trump is running for head of the Knesset.

* * * * * * * *

 

Box turtle at Cleveland Botanical Garden
I did find a turtle costume online, but I didn't like it.

Me:    I need a turtle costume by next Wednesday.

Husband:    Check at the zoo, in the amphibian section.

Me, a confused non-biologist:  Are turtles amphibians?

Husband, thinking for a moment:    No, they are reptiles.  Check in the reptile section.

Me:  Because when you are looking for an animal costume it’s important to be precise about the classification.

The local Halloween store did not have any
 turtle costumes, but they did have this.
Add bathrobe = instant Jesus or Apostle

* * * * * * * *

I arrived home from worship at church.  The scripture the pastor preached on that day was 1 Timothy 2:1-7, which starts out:  “First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for everyone….”

Husband:    How was church?

Me, hanging my head in shame:  The pastor said we have to pray for EVERYONE. 

Husband:      Oh, MAN!  Everyone?!  Really?!

* * * * * * * *

Oct 2, 2019

Me,  solemnly:  Did you know that you have something in common with Bernie Sanders now?

Husband:  I do?  I mean, I do not agree with him on his “college for all” proposal.

Me:  He had a heart problem and had two stents put in.

Husband:  Good for him!  But was he able to get a bagel with cream cheese after the procedure?

* * * * * * * *

Back in early September, my husband said, “It’s not my job to make sense of things.”

I don’t remember what we had been talking about, but I think it’s very hard these days, even though we have great and unmatched wisdom, to make sense of anything.

This is why I needed to wear black - black or
orange - to demand common sense
gun legislation