Helpful? Thankful?

Recent Common Household Conversations about 

Being Helpful and Thankful

Me:  Son, you’re a fine person.  Thank you for being a fine person.

Husband:  You would be even finer if you knew brick pointing.

Son:  Well, Dad, you can’t have everything.

* * * * *

Me:    I need to understand the entire Medicare system by Monday.

Husband (trying to be helpful):  Well, there’s this doughnut.

Me:    Yeah?...

Husband:  And if you eat the doughnut, you’re in a lot of trouble. 

* * * * *

Me:    How shall we give thanks at Thanksgiving?

Son:    By eating huge amounts of food!

Me:    What words shall we use to give thanks? 

Son:    The Gettysburg Address?

Youngest Daughter:  (softly and sweetly): We should write a poem.

Son:  How about “Is this a dagger I see before me?”

Me:   (frown at Son)

Son:    Or “Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace.”

Youngest Daughter:  Is that from Macbeth?

Son:    Yeah.  My English teacher says that it is the scariest speech in the English language.  And if you read through the entire play that far, you can tell that it’s true.

* * * * *

Me:    Will you unload the dishwasher while I'm gone?

Youngest Daughter:  I can't tell the future!  A meteor might hit the house.

* * * * *

If a meteor is going to hit the house it would be helpful if it could hit before tomorrow, when I plan to start my Thanksgiving cooking.  I’d hate to do all that cooking and then have a meteor hit.

My son showing appreciation for Shakespeare is, in some small way, like a meteor hitting the house.

But I would be very grateful if there was no meteor. I mean, I’ve got guests coming. And I’ve already cleaned out the refrigerator.  Alas, I haven't yet figured out Medicare.