Monday, November 28, 2011

Common Household Proverb: The Door

For lo, Children, the door has two functions:  to be opened, and to be closed.  After passing through the door and holding it open for your elders, be certain to close the door, lest the flies, neighborhood children, and other undesirables enter the house.  Yea, even a raccoon once entered the basement when you were camping in the back yard and neglected to close the basement door.

Truly, truly, I say unto you that when you are leaving to go to the school bus and you neglect to close the front door all the way, a cold and mighty wind enters the house, raising the heating bill and depleting your college fund like chaff before the wind.

Beware, lest you attempt to enter the basement door without turning the door handle.  For if you break the glass thereof by pushing on it instead of turning the handle, sorrow shall stir within me at the thought of purchasing a new door.  

But then I shall be clothed with shame, as I remember that I did a similar thing when I was a child; lo, I even required stitches on my arm for my iniquity.  Therefore shall I offer you mercy and be thankful that you did not require stitches.  For behold, I will forgive your iniquity, and the door shall be made new, at a cost equal to the cost of several small televisions.  And the new door shall be a thing of beauty and a joy forever.


Cassi Renee said...

You're really very good at these --they always leave me laughing :-)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I wish I could feel sadder for you, but verily, I am laughing too hard to generate sadness!

Maria Sondule said...

Seriously?? Please tell me you don't need to replace the door AGAIN.
This was really funny though.

Maureen Profeta said...

Thank you for the laughter.