Common Household Thanksgiving Proclamation

And here is the Common Household's Thanksgiving Proclamation from 2010:

One note: I hate mayonnaise.  I abhor it.  My family knows this and persecutes me mercilessly about it.

Last year on Thanksgiving, I posted this on the fridge, thinking that the family could have fun writing their own proclamations:

Thanksgiving Proclamation

By Our Family

Whereas... We are grateful to God for all the bountiful blefsings which God has bestowed upon us,

Therefore... We will stuff ourselves with turkey and all the trimmings. 

Whereas...

* * * * * *

In response, my brother wrote this, lapsing about half-way into the fake "changing S to F" found in the traditional proclamation:

Whereas...we are grateful to God for providing turkey far in excess of what we can eat in one meal, and...

Whereas...turkey sandwiches are known to be the most delicious sandwich ever concocted, and...

Whereas...no turkey sandwich is ever complete without a thick slathering of the Hellmans, and...

Whereas...the compleat fandwich confifts of the trinity of turkey, cranberry and mayo

Therefore we hold thif truth to be felf evident that the Common Houfehold must never be lacking, from thif day forthwith in having a large jar of 

MAYONAIFE

 The other dunning comments were added by the teenagers, my brother's daughter and my own daughter.