Today I found myself alone in the house for several
hours. Just in case you, Dear Reader,
ever find yourself in a similar situation on the day before the Superbowl, here are a few helpful DOs and
DON’Ts.
DON’T go to the
grocery store on the Saturday before the Superbowl and the day before a
snowstorm is predicted to hit the area. You are likely to lose your favorite
glove in the melee. There will be no
reduced-fat Cheez-its left, even though your Younger Daughter specifically
asked for Cheez-its. The store will be
so crowded with ornery people that you will not be able to make it over to the
toilet paper aisle and you yourself will become ornery.
DO leave the
store and shed your orneriness by helping the guy with 20 helium balloons get
the balloons into his car.
DON’T forget to
get flour, if you are planning to bake something for the church bake sale. DO
say “Damn” or something stronger when you realize you forgot.
DO pay your
aunt’s bill before it is overdue.
DON’T try to
calculate how long your aunt’s money will last.
You will spend an hour down that rabbit hole and end up with an
inaccurate number anyway, because you don’t know the secret number you need to
calculate how much she must withdraw from her IRA, and you have no idea what
her expenses really will be. Any answer
you get will be depressing.
DO eat an apple
for virtue points, and then DO open
the small bag of Chex Mix that you have been saving, and DO watch an episode of Doctor Who.
DON’T make a new
recipe for the church bake sale. DON’T make the recipe for Pumpkin
Snickerdoodles that you got off the internet from some random person. Remember that you don’t have enough flour to make more than one kind of cookie.
DON’T spend 30
minutes looking for the salt. DON’T begin to think that your brain
has a big hole in it, because why would you have not put the salt in at least
one of its usual six places?
DO text your
husband with this message: “I am losing
my mind. I can’t find the SALT. Trying to make cookies for the $&@&
church bake sale.” He will soon text
back with this: “It’s upstairs on my
bureau.” Why, yes it is! Because that's where everyone likes to keep the salt.
DO taste the new
cookies. You will discover that they are
disappointingly like cardboard, and you will decide not to take them to the
church bake sale, even though this means you have to show up empty handed.
DO wish that you
had made the cookies that your daughter asked you to make – chocolate chip
cookies.
DO be thankful
that you are not hosting a Superbowl party, and DO be thankful that you don’t give a hoot about America’s National
Holiday tomorrow.
Y'all have a great time! I'm going to play the piano.
6 comments:
Wish I had spent the evening at YOUR house. As it was, I'm stuck here, working on an annual report for a church committee!J
Great. Now I want cookies!
We spent the afternoon rearranging the living room furniture to fit 12-20 people who will watch the game on our not-so-large television. We borrowed spare choir risers from the church to assist with our "stadium seating" plan. But then, we live in Washington State, so it's expected to be a big event here, without a snowstorm.
Pumpkin and cookies just don't sound like they go together. Although cardboard is not what I would have guessed for flavor :-)
I went to Target yesterday, simply because it was a convenient time, and the check-out girl looked at the pillow and curtain rods and said something about how it was "good to have for the blizzard". Um. And really, 10" of snow is not going to lock us in our houses for a week or anything. God forbid we should be able to go to a store for 24 hours.
I am also grateful that this is an American holiday we don't celebrate, so I don't have to get ready for anything except work on Monday.
I have no favorite team to root for this year, so I'm only watching for the commercials.
Some days are like that. I'm barely watching the game this year. Just no interest I guess.
Total bummer about the cookie bust.
I always try new recipes when I'm cooking/baking for other people. It's like an illness. I can't help myself, even though I know that, chances are, it isn't going to end well for anyone.
I hope someone got that balloon wrangling on video.
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