This is a Public
Service Announcement.
If it is the day
before Thanksgiving, DO NOT text your husband with this message:
“I’m at the grocery store and I’m
planning to get some dish soap, some bread, and some carrots. If you think of anything else we need, let me
know soon. Bye.”
My husband has a
different view of what type and what volume of food should be served before,
during, and after Thanksgiving dinner. Despite
the fact that he was at that moment driving home from work, he texted me back
(using Siri, I hope) with a Magna-Carta length list:
Husband’s text:
Nice cheese
Nice
crackers
Cream
cheese, different varieties
Refried
beans
Little
pizza egg rolls
(This is where I began
to roll my eyes.)
(By the way, his list was longer, but I have edited it for brevity.)
Sardines
Oyster
crackers
Braunschweiger
Deli roast
beef
Soft drinks
Two bags of
ice
Pretzels
with peanut butter inside
At that, I totally
blew my stack.
My text: Holy smoke. I am not getting pretzels with pb inside.
He continued, with a
bunch of stuff that I already got several days ago. To his credit they were healthy vegetable and
fruits.
Me: I already have some of those. But give me a break. We don’t have to consume
every item in the store. Why do we need
oyster crackers?
Him: In case we have lobster bisque.
Other people in the
store started wondering why this woman was fuming at her cell phone. Lobster bisque is not on the menu this month. By this point I had reached the deli counter,
and looked at the nutritional info for braunschweiger. Braunschweiger does not belong on the Common Household menu, neither
at Thanksgiving nor at any other time of year.
About ¾ of it is fat.
Me: No oyster crackers. I’m sorry, but you do not qualify for
braunschweiger.
Him: Are you coming home soon? I’m hungry.
The thing is, he’s actually right.
Our guests will consume all of it, and probably more. We really did need some of those things.
P.S. The real reason
I went to the grocery store was to get more Brussels sprouts, because I sensed
that 72 of them is not enough for 8 people (we’re having 11 people, but I know
3 of them won’t touch B. sprouts, which is great because it leaves more for the
rest of us.)
In conclusion,
BUY MORE BRUSSELS SPROUTS!
 |
| I have to go caramelize all these onions. |
8 comments:
Oh thank goodness. I'm taking a break from food prep insanity and this post hit the spot, perhaps because we now have a fridge full of food that no one is allowed to touch until tomorrow or SO HELP ME. I've been so consumed with getting all the right ingredients for Thursday Food that we have almost nothing in this house to eat today. Hope everyone's good with yogurt and ketchup for supper tonight.
I have to make pies in the morning because there is no room in the fridge right now. I hope to have some help as my son who loves to bake has the day off. Thank you small town businesses who give employees the day off.
It's funny that he adds "nice" in front of things. Like, what else would you buy? Mean stuff?
I was laughing as I read this, so I had to read your husband's list to my husband. It was even funnier out loud!
I sometimes send that same text to my husband when I'm at the grocery store. He always says, " Can't think of anything." Wish mine was as helpful as yours!
My husband always has things to add, but I usually get his reply text when I'm pulling in to the driveway :-)
that is hilarious.
now i am hungry for little pizza egg rolls and oyster crackers.
This is why all I made this year was the meat. I threw a leg of pork in the oven (not to be confused with a ham, which I initially did but was corrected by husband, because he wanted a 'fresh ham,' otherwise known as a leg of pork… so basically I cooked the entire leg of a pig. The "cracklin's" were declared amazing, so I guess I did all right) and a brisket on the grill (also declared amazing). And then I made everyone else bring everything else. Easiest Thanksgiving ever.
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