This is a Public Service Announcement.
If it is the day before Thanksgiving, DO NOT text your husband with this message:
“I’m at the grocery store and I’m planning to get some dish soap, some bread, and some carrots. If you think of anything else we need, let me know soon. Bye.”
My husband has a different view of what type and what volume of food should be served before, during, and after Thanksgiving dinner. Despite the fact that he was at that moment driving home from work, he texted me back (using Siri, I hope) with a Magna-Carta length list:
Cream cheese, different varieties
Little pizza egg rolls
(This is where I began to roll my eyes.)
(By the way, his list was longer, but I have edited it for brevity.)
Deli roast beef
Two bags of ice
Pretzels with peanut butter inside
At that, I totally blew my stack.
My text: Holy smoke. I am not getting pretzels with pb inside.
He continued, with a bunch of stuff that I already got several days ago. To his credit they were healthy vegetable and fruits.
Me: I already have some of those. But give me a break. We don’t have to consume every item in the store. Why do we need oyster crackers?
Him: In case we have lobster bisque.
Other people in the store started wondering why this woman was fuming at her cell phone. Lobster bisque is not on the menu this month. By this point I had reached the deli counter, and looked at the nutritional info for braunschweiger. Braunschweiger does not belong on the Common Household menu, neither at Thanksgiving nor at any other time of year. About ¾ of it is fat.
Me: No oyster crackers. I’m sorry, but you do not qualify for braunschweiger.
By this time I figured he had reached home, and found a full refrigerator of food, all reserved for tomorrow. Before I left the store I got one last text.
Him: Are you coming home soon? I’m hungry.
The thing is, he’s actually right. Our guests will consume all of it, and probably more. We really did need some of those things.
P.S. The real reason I went to the grocery store was to get more Brussels sprouts, because I sensed that 72 of them is not enough for 8 people (we’re having 11 people, but I know 3 of them won’t touch B. sprouts, which is great because it leaves more for the rest of us.)
BUY MORE BRUSSELS SPROUTS!
|I have to go caramelize all these onions.|