Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Pre-Thanksgiving PSA

This is a Public Service Announcement.

If it is the day before Thanksgiving, DO NOT text your husband with this message: 

“I’m at the grocery store and I’m planning to get some dish soap, some bread, and some carrots.  If you think of anything else we need, let me know soon.  Bye.”

My husband has a different view of what type and what volume of food should be served before, during, and after Thanksgiving dinner.  Despite the fact that he was at that moment driving home from work, he texted me back (using Siri, I hope) with a Magna-Carta length list:

Husband’s text:
            Nice cheese
            Nice crackers
            Cream cheese, different varieties
            Refried beans
            Little pizza egg rolls
(This is where I began to roll my eyes.)
(By the way, his list was longer, but I have edited it for brevity.)
            Oyster crackers
            Deli roast beef
            Soft drinks
            Two bags of ice
            Pretzels with peanut butter inside
At that, I totally blew my stack.

My text:  Holy smoke.  I am not getting pretzels with pb inside.

He continued, with a bunch of stuff that I already got several days ago.  To his credit they were healthy vegetable and fruits.

Me:  I already have some of those.  But give me a break. We don’t have to consume every item in the store.  Why do we need oyster crackers?

Him:  In case we have lobster bisque.

Other people in the store started wondering why this woman was fuming at her cell phone.  Lobster bisque is not on the menu this month.  By this point I had reached the deli counter, and looked at the nutritional info for braunschweiger.  Braunschweiger does not belong on the Common Household menu, neither at Thanksgiving nor at any other time of year.  About ¾ of it is fat.

Me:  No oyster crackers.  I’m sorry, but you do not qualify for braunschweiger.

By this time I figured he had reached home, and found a full refrigerator of food, all reserved for tomorrow.  Before I left the store I got one last text.

Him:  Are you coming home soon?  I’m hungry.

The thing is, he’s actually right.  Our guests will consume all of it, and probably more.  We really did need some of those things.

P.S.  The real reason I went to the grocery store was to get more Brussels sprouts, because I sensed that 72 of them is not enough for 8 people (we’re having 11 people, but I know 3 of them won’t touch B. sprouts, which is great because it leaves more for the rest of us.)

In conclusion,


I have to go caramelize all these onions.


The Crislers said...

Oh thank goodness. I'm taking a break from food prep insanity and this post hit the spot, perhaps because we now have a fridge full of food that no one is allowed to touch until tomorrow or SO HELP ME. I've been so consumed with getting all the right ingredients for Thursday Food that we have almost nothing in this house to eat today. Hope everyone's good with yogurt and ketchup for supper tonight.

smalltownme said...

I have to make pies in the morning because there is no room in the fridge right now. I hope to have some help as my son who loves to bake has the day off. Thank you small town businesses who give employees the day off.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

It's funny that he adds "nice" in front of things. Like, what else would you buy? Mean stuff?

Ginny Marie said...

I was laughing as I read this, so I had to read your husband's list to my husband. It was even funnier out loud!

Angie said...

I sometimes send that same text to my husband when I'm at the grocery store. He always says, " Can't think of anything." Wish mine was as helpful as yours!

Cassi Renee said...

My husband always has things to add, but I usually get his reply text when I'm pulling in to the driveway :-)

slow panic said...

that is hilarious.

now i am hungry for little pizza egg rolls and oyster crackers.

Sarah said...

This is why all I made this year was the meat. I threw a leg of pork in the oven (not to be confused with a ham, which I initially did but was corrected by husband, because he wanted a 'fresh ham,' otherwise known as a leg of pork… so basically I cooked the entire leg of a pig. The "cracklin's" were declared amazing, so I guess I did all right) and a brisket on the grill (also declared amazing). And then I made everyone else bring everything else. Easiest Thanksgiving ever.