Gifts

While I was on my trip to the Old Folks’ Home, I received several gifts.

 

64 Different Brilliant Colors

The first one was a gift from God – the chance to see more fall colors during the drive to and from Baltimore.  Around every turn of the PA turnpike (and there are a lot of them) there was more fall beauty.  It was as if God had taken Burnt Sienna and Golden Yellow and Pine Green and Brick Red out of her crayon box and gotten busy coloring all the hills.

There were a few gifts from myself.  I stopped at every rest stop on the way without anybody getting crabby about it.  Traveling alone has its upsides.  When I got to my destination, I gave myself another gift.  Instead of going right inside I took a twenty minute walk first.  I took the camera with me.

I was fond of that red fire hydrant.

I actually wasn’t alone – I brought Einstein along. I think he didn’t have too bad a time.

Einstein with a rose that is about to say "Feed me, Seymour!"

Einstein examines an ancient-style timepiece.

Einstein appreciated finally finding a
quote that was not said by himself.

When I told my Mom I had forgotten my books, she offered me several magazines, including The New Yorker from several weeks ago.  I can usually wade through all the pretentious New-Yorkiness and find something interesting to read in there.  New Yorker cartoons are very amusing. When I asked Mom if I should return the magazines to her when I was done, or put them in the recycling bin, she said, “Oh, I got them from the main building in the place where it says, ‘DO NOT TAKE THESE MAGAZINES FROM THIS SPOT.’  So you don’t have to give them back to me.”  My Mom, the scoff-law!    

I had a good visit with my mom and my aunt.  They have a fair amount of pain and trouble these days, but within certain parameters they are still functioning well, and for that I am very grateful.

But then there was this gift... When I went to my aunt’s apartment to help her sort through some things, I found this in the kitchen.  

On the left is a plaster-of-paris (or something like it) snowman.  The snowman’s orange tin nose had broken off.   This snowman took up what little space there was in the kitchen and also entered the space in my brain which is reserved for things which enrage me.  As my aunt and I worked on other stuff, I tried to formulate what I was going to say to convince her to get rid of the snowman. 

When I finally mentioned the snowman, she said, “Oh!  I got the snowman for you!  Isn’t he cute?  I only paid $5 for him at the Thrift Sale!  I thought he would look cute in your front yard!  His nose is broken off, but I saved it, and I’m sure you can easily fix it.”

My brother’s rule about my aunt is: If she gives you any item to take away from her apartment, accept it; then find a dumpster.  I decided I had to follow my brother’s rule.  I was so enraged, however, that I could not help saying to my aunt, “Do not ever buy anything for my yard ever again” as I carried the snowman to my car.  That was rude, but honestly, I already have several boxes from her house and my mother-in-law’s house filling my basement and I don’t need her to get me extra junk.

Despite sitting unsecured in the trunk, the snowman did not break during the drive home. Perhaps I should have engaged in reckless driving.  So I decided to have a bit of fun with it until trash day next week.

I deposited the snowman in the back yard so my husband would see it when he came home from work.  I put this sign on it, but decided it was too obscure a reference.

"I have taken your leaves hostage until
you return my nose.  - Major Kovalyov"

Then, thinking that the snowman, with that black knit hat, resembles a convict, I went for this sign.

"Need ASAP!  Heavy snowfall OR ride back
to Leavenworth."

When my husband came home, he greeted me and said, “Where did we get that cute snowman from?”

Sigh.

What other uses could there be for this snowman?  Throw it off a tall building?  Sneak it into the neighbor's yard?  It hasn't made it to the dumpster yet, because that is what always happens.