Thursday, May 29, 2014

Advanced Clothing Technology

For dinner yesterday I cooked salsa chicken in the crockpot.  I also had a list of things to do after dinner, including buying a rug for the office and potting soil for the tomato plants.   I needed my husband to go along on that shopping trip, so he could carry heavy things for me.

He came home, and said, “What’s for dinner?”  He looked in the crock pot, and said cheerfully, “Oh, goody!  It’s budgerigar stew!”

Let’s all say it together:  BUJ-eh-ree-gar.  

I thought, Uh oh, he’s in that weird off-the-wall kind of mood.  I focused on my question.  “After dinner, would you please go with me to Lowe’s [the ‘home improvement store] to pick up a few things I need?” 

His response took us into the realm of Very Weird.  He said, “You mean, like bras, and things?” 

Clearly his thoughts were moving in a different direction than mine.  Or he was focused on “Things that begin with the letter B.”

Me, taken aback:  “Bras?!  At Lowe’s?”

Husband:    “Yeah.  You know, bras for the outdoors.  Outdoor project bras.”

Me, baffled:  “Outdoor bras?  You mean gardening bras?  Camping bras?”

Husband:    “Yes.  There is an unmet need for such merchandise.”

I got a piece of paper and jotted down “outdoor bras” and “unmet need”, because I already knew that you, Dear Reader, would want to know about this conversation. Then we sat down to dinner.  For once, all five of us were there.  I put the salsa chicken and the rice on the table. We asked God’s blessing on the food.  Perhaps if we had asked for the Almighty’s approval of the conversation, the discussion might have gone differently.

Husband, still in a jolly mood:  “Please pass the budgerigar.”

Older Daughter:  “What?!  Budgerigar?”

Me:  “Dad means the chicken.”

Younger Daughter:  “What is a budgerigar?”

Me:    “It’s a small Australian songbird, I believe.”

Son: “We’re eating songbird for dinner?”

Me:    “NO.  It is CHICKEN.”

Younger Daughter saw the note I had jotted down, and said, “What’s that?”  I showed her, but said, “Please don’t read this out loud.”  Which of course, meant that she did read it out loud.

So the topic of outdoor bras came up again, right there at the dinner table.  Even though two of my kids now count as legal adults, we are still not ready to dine with the queen.    It is unlikely that the queen wishes to discuss technological advancements in ladies’ underwear at dinner.

The kids started in to discuss product development.

Older Daughter:  A camping bra is a good idea.  It could be a place to store your camping equipment.  Or – how about this!  A bug spray bra!

Son: It could be designed to slowly exude the bug spray at regular intervals.

Younger Daughter:  You could design it to have special slots for cookies!

Older Daughter:  Or you could store water in it, and have a straw, for easy rehydration!

Me:  That’s ridiculous.
However, at that very moment, I was thinking of that well-known merchandise: the Beer Hat With Straw.

Husband: I heard that they are making clothes that will take the energy generated by walking around, and the clothes will store up that energy.  You could store your hiking energy in your clothes, and use it to power your flashlight at night.

Older Daughter:  The clothes could store up the energy and then at night, the clothes themselves would glow.  No need for a flashlight!

The ideas continued to flow, but I did not contribute. I was thinking of what I had learned from that highly reliable source of information, the NPR show Wait, Wait! Don’t Tell Me, about energy generation and bras.  I did not dare share this with the family.

* * * * * * *

What technological advancements do you wish would come with your next clothing purchase?


Alison said...

I'm pretty sure the queen wears a bra, and that at some point in her life, she must have discussed bras. Or at least said the word out loud.

I'm wondering if she'd prefer the bug spray version or the cookie one.

Common Household Mom said...

You are right, Alison. I mostly meant that the Queen would not want to discuss it at dinner (I have amended post).

I would think the queen would prefer cookies. Does she even come into contact with bugs? If it's the British queen, it would be a biscuit bra.

Cassi Renee said...

I imagine the Queen would like a bra that repelled midges. They are worse than mosquitoes, and if you live in Britain and ever go outside, you'll come into contact with them.

Personally, I want the bra that stores energy and then gives it back to me when I'm tired :-)

Sarah said...

I just… I… I have these mental images of my boobs exuding light at night… or spraying things a la the water bra episode from Will & Grace… or… Ohhhh the tears. I'm laughing too hard. These technological advancements are not going to help the feminist cause, I'm quite sure.