One day in January, I made kale chips, but, due to the
absence of Oldest Daughter, we were not able to finish them off in one
sitting. The next day I wanted to get
them crispy again, so I stuck them in the toaster oven, and then left the
kitchen. When I came back a few minutes
later, the kitchen was smoky, and the toaster oven door looked dark and
foreboding. I opened it up and found
these charred remains.
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| Where was Smokey the Bear when this happened? |
They had caught fire while I stepped out of
the room, and Dante’s Inferno had occurred inside the toaster oven. The lesson here is to finish your kale chips
promptly.
A couple weeks later, when I caught a cold, I decided to make
myself some chicken soup. I had chicken
in the freezer, so I put it in the microwave for 7 minutes to defrost, and left
the kitchen. (See any pattern here, Dear
Reader?) About 15 minutes later, I
noticed the aroma of baked chicken reaching me in the office. I went to investigate and found the chicken
and package thoroughly overcooked. I had
apparently set the microwave for 70 minutes instead of 7 minutes. The lesson here is to wait for Passover, and
its chicken matzo ball soup, before coming down with a cold.
 |
| Just Ew. |
Despite my husband’s claim that “You can’t overcook
chicken,” this chicken had bonded with its packaging, thus rendering
it carcinogenic, or at least unworthy for making soup. I threw it out (but only after taking a photo of it for my blog).
This morning I set the kettle on to boil, and then went to
take a shower. My son saved the house
from burning down. The lesson here is to
make sure you have a Boy Scout in the kitchen when you start to make tea.
My husband told me later of my mistake with the kettle, but
I claimed I was excused because I still have residual anesthesia in my system
from Friday’s Female Medical Procedure. Everything went well, but I did not get
“toasterized,” as my friend puts it, because the doc said my particular anatomy
made it impossible to perform the ablation.
I am recovering very nicely, but I would like to be able to use the
claim of having anesthesia in my system for another few weeks. Just in case I do something else stupid in
the kitchen.
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| For some reason I keep forgetting to try to scrub this stuff off. Amazingly, the toaster oven still works fine. |
5 comments:
Eww...don't microwave chicken in plastic anything, anyway! Plastic plates and plastic wrap may be dubbed, "microwave-safe," but that doesn't mean that they're not leaching toxic things into our food as it heats. That just means that they won't melt into goo all over the bottom of your microwave.
It's funny--I've gotten very accustomed to the convenience of using the microwave to defrost, to reheat things, and particularly to cook frozen mixed vegetables. But when our microwave decided to die, I had to (GASP!) cook the frozen veggies on the stove.
I was astounded at how much better they tasted.
Not sure what the lesson is here.
I can sympathize. I am certain I have also done something foolish in the kitchen recently, but because I am already IN menopause, I can't recall the incident.
Alison, I never microwave in plastic except to defrost stuff - I can't get the meat off the weird blanket thing they put under the meat unless it is at least partly defrosted. I have to admit that 7 minutes was a desperation measure meant to defrost it all the way.
Angie - ha ha! I love this!
Anyone who says, "You can't overcook chicken," wasn't around for my first five years of marriage.
I'm glad you made it through your procedure safe and sound, but for some reason my reaction to your anatomy not being right for ablation was, "Aw. CHM is special!" I don't even know what that means.
Am laughing because all of those mistakes are CLASSIC!
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