The time: an evening in mid-September. We were finished with the bat mitzvah
celebration, and two weeks away from the Eagle Scout celebration.
The place: the
Common Household
The feeling: exhaustion from too many celebrations
The dialogue:
Husband: After the Eagle Scout ceremony, we don’t
have to have any more parties until Thanksgiving, right?
Me: Thanksgiving isn’t really a party.
But you’re right. No more special
events until, until, until…
I searched around in
my head for the next big event, and finally remembered one big event that was
looming for me...
Me: …. until my colonoscopy.
I hadn’t really meant
to blurt this out, but this procedure had been on my mind. I needed to make my appointment, and had put
it off since June, because of all these other parties.
Husband: You’re going to have a party for your
colonoscopy? Actually, that would be
great – most of our friends are in their fifties.
(My husband had his a few years ago, but I've never had one. He knows that he could have fun at this party without any of the 'preparation' for it.)
Me: Yeah – we could all schedule our
colonoscopies for the same day! The day
before, we could have a party and do jello shots!
Husband: Jello shots, chicken broth, water….hmm.
Me: Then the next day we would all show up at the
hospital at the same time and have the procedure.
Husband: And then afterwards you could have a really
great party!
Me: What would we serve?
Husband: Well, it’s got to be high-fiber food. You’d have to serve a lot of fruits and
vegetables, and shredded wheat. Those doctors tell every single person coming
out of a colonoscopy that they need to follow a high-fiber diet.
Me: So when should I have my colonoscopy?
Husband: If my mother was scheduling it for you, she
would make it for the day after Thanksgiving.
She always scheduled my orthodontist appointments for right before or
right after Thanksgiving, so my teeth were always hurting, and I couldn’t
properly enjoy the Thanksgiving meal or the leftovers.
Me: It’s not up to your mother. It depends on your schedule, because you have
to be there to provide transportation and to listen to the doctor’s schpiel
about a high fiber diet while I am coming out of the anesthesia.
* * * * *
I now have The Procedure scheduled for a day well after
Thanksgiving. A colonoscopy is probably
like painting a room: the preparation is
far worse and more tedious than the actual procedure. There are some risks involved with the
colonoscopy procedure, but I’m willing to take those risks in the hopes of
avoiding colon cancer. If you’re over
50, and you haven’t had a colonoscopy yet, I encourage you to go ahead and make
a party of it.
3 comments:
My husband had one a couple months ago, and didn't seem to believe me when I told him that he would need to stick close to home the night before. When he had to go ahead and cancel those plans (IMAGINE THAT), I did my very best not to laugh and yell, "I told you so!" through the bathroom door- just because I didn't want to get that close.
I also laughed out loud at your husband's orthodontia- Thanksgiving statement. My mom always seemed to schedule mine around birthday parties so that I was the miserable guest at Pizza Hut who couldn't eat anything.
Um, I hope she's a better mother-in-law? :-)
I think the worst part of all those procedures is throwing up afterwards because of the anesthesia. I mean, it's not enough to have to recover from the procedure, but you have to also spend time on your knees in front of a toilet? Not fair.
Guilty for not scheduling my first one yet.
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