Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Leaf Season


Thus saith the Lord: Even before the twenty-first day of the ninth month, I shall cause leaves from deciduous trees to fall on the land.  During the ninth month, the leaves shall be as multi-colored as the top half of my rainbow, the ROY G half of the ROY G. BIV.  And you shall rejoice and be glad in your land full of broad-leaf trees.


Our Kwanzan Cherry Tree, mid-September
Red,
Orange,

Yellow, and Green

I'm only including this pic because
I had to snap a lot of photos
before I was finally able to
 capture one falling leaf.

But lo, during the tenth month the leaves falling on your land shall become more numerous than the stars in the heavens.  On the first clear day after the first new moon of the tenth month you shall hold a sacred assembly and do no regular work.  You shall call all the members of your household, your maidservants and your manservants, your teenagers, lo, even those who have just begun to walk.  You shall hand each one a rake, and on that day you shall rake leaves.  You shall rake leaves up to the high places, that is, to the edge of the street, yea, even shall you rake the leaves uphill. 



Behold, a teenager raking leaves uphill!

Behold, the other teenager chooses a more
mechanical method than the lowly rake.


The Lord commands that you wear a double layer of work gloves, lest your hands become afflicted with blisters.  The Lord is kind and compassionate, and loves not a blistered hand.

Then the trees of the field shall clap their hands, and behold, a whole truckload of leaves shall fall on your land.  Leaf shall fall upon leaf causing a slippery mess on your lawn.   You shall rake leaves for one hour before Bible study, and still there shall be leaves on the land.  You shall rake leaves for an hour after going to aerobics class, and still there shall be leaves on the land.  I shall cause a mighty wind to blow the leaves from your trees onto your neighbor’s land, and still, there shall be leaves on your own land.  There will be so many leaves that the teenagers will give up, because too much labor is required of them.




And then, on the twenty-fifth day of the tenth month, I shall cause the leaf truck to come into your neighborhood, for I, the Lord, am merciful.  And the leaf truck shall suck up all the leaves which you have placed at the edge of the street.  And you shall lift your eyes up, and see that the trees still hold in their branches as many leaves as there are stars in the sky.

                        - The Book of Exertions 2:147


Done.


Even after raking, there are still leaves.  Sigh.


7 comments:

JOANIE said...

LOVE IT. U MENTIONED BIBLE STUDY. SO CUTE IN THE KING'S OLD ENGLISH. OR OLD HEBREW. OR PITTSBURGHESE HEBREW.

Cassi Renee said...

I'm hoping that Sandy hasn't blown you guys away, or blown any new leaves on your lawn?

Common Household Mom said...

Sandy just made everything WET, WET, WET. We are fine. Some flooding in the area, but I don't know of any in our immediate area.

The Crislers said...

I had no idea what a leaf truck was until I moved to Connecticut, and even then, I was pretty shocked by what I was seeing: "Is that a truck who's sole purpose is to suck up leaves? Where the heck am I?"

Suburban Correspondent said...

This was awesome!

Patience_Crabstick said...

LOL! Very funny.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Your Book of Exertions is one of the best yet.