Thus saith the Lord to the Common Household Mom (Parsha Lech Lecha):
Arise and go, go forth to a bathroom that I will show
you. Turn neither to the right or the
left, to facebook or to blogs, but get you hence and clean the bathroom. Lo, you shall be sure to clean the shower
stall and the sink and the toilet and the floor; neither shall you neglect to
shake out the bathroom rugs. I am the Lord.
These are the regulations concerning defiling molds and
mildews in the shower stall, for pronouncing them clean or unclean. Verily I say to you, without even looking at
it, I declare the shower stall to be unclean.
You shall open the window for ventilation and shout “Unclean! Unclean!” Then you shall proceed to scrub the
shower stall with noxious substances, for you are a stubborn and rebellious
generation who refused to clean the shower stall last week.
And you shall curse the ground you walk on, for you disobeyed
my commandment, and decided to clean the bathroom in bare feet. When you become filled with a spirit of
wisdom, and finally put on protective footwear, beware of turning to evil. Do
not put on the footwear that has previously been used for gardening. For lo, you
lack sense and show everyone how stupid you are, that you would track
additional dirt onto the bathroom floor.
Now that you have washed and made the bathroom clean, my
wrath against you has subsided. And lo,
you may rest after your labors, and write a blog post, and consume cookies
until the end of the age, or dinner, whichever comes first.
4 comments:
That's from 2 Hezekiah, isn't it? (:0))Thank you for showing me the errors of my ways - the bathroom is now on my list of things to do tomorrow!
I wish I could have been around when you were shouting "Unclean! Unclean!" out the window!
Ha! Just cleaned a bathroom and disregarded the rules about footwear. The penalty was great.
"What doth it profit a man...if he leave the seat up?"
This is my favorite time of year. Pretty soon they will be airing, 'The Ten Commodements'.
That's all folks...
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