What does it all mean?

What does it mean when you tell your daughter she will be alone in the house all morning, and she claps her hands together with glee and says, “Then I’ve got work to do!” and rushes out of the room?

What does it mean when you are driving through a tunnel, with 5,000 tons of rock above you, and water drips from the ceiling onto your car?

What does it mean when the road sign says “No Turns” and the very next road sign says “Left Lane Must Turn Left”?

What does it mean when you work for 12 hours straight to help your aunt pack for moving to a retirement home, but it hardly looks like you made a dent in the mountains of stuff?

What does it mean when your husband comes home with provisions (while you are away on your trip), bringing meatloaf, Doritos, and Ho-Hos, and your son says, “Dad, I see you’ve been to the man store!”?

* * * * *

I drove 328 miles today, home from my aunt’s house, and I’m wondering what it all means.

What do you think it all means?

I think it means it's time for bed!

Bittersweet procrastination

I have an overwhelming number and variety of things to get done this month, related either to aging relatives or children who refuse to do homework.  But I want to take the time to mention this book that I read last month: A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents and Ourselves, by Jane Gross.  2011, Alfred A. Knopf.  The author also started the NY Times blog The New Old Age.  http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/

Here are just three of the many helpful things I read in this book:

“Denial runs deep, and the odds that you are reading this book to prepare for something that hasn’t yet happened are slim, no matter how much I wish otherwise.  More than likely, you’re already in the thick of things, as I was, and have already made your share of panicky mistakes. There’s little to be gained by going back down the pointless highway of second-guessing yourself.  I, you, most of us do the best we can, just as our parents did the best they could with us when we were children, getting tons of things wrong, or just a few, some because of omission and some commission but guided, except in rare instances, by good intentions.”  P. 56

“You can judge the quality of geriatric care from hospital to hospital by how they manage dentures.” 

One of the main indicators that a person is reaching a state of dependency on others is whether she can rise from a chair without pushing off with her hands.

As soon as I read that last one, I panicked and had to try it myself.  No, I haven’t reached a state of dependency yet, it seems, but I hope and pray when my turn approaches that I’ll do something about it before I reach that point.  Today I needed to actually do some paid work, but it was a rare sunny day here, so I bagged the work and instead went for a walk in the park with Youngest Daughter.  I have not been getting any exercise.  There are some times when procrastination is just good for one’s mental health.  

Leadership Lessons?

Tonight’s dinner conversation:

Youngest Daughter said, with excitement, “In band class today we watched a leadership video.  I learned that if you quickly clasp your hands together with your fingers interlocked, then if you’ve got the left thumb on top then you are right-brained, and you are a good kisser, but if...”

Me:  You’re a good what?

YD:  A good kisser.  But if the right thumb is on top then you are left-brained, and a good thinker.

Husband: Where did you learn that?

YD:  I learned it from the guy in the leadership movie we watched in music class.  The guy’s name was Tim.

Me: Why were you watching a movie in music class?

Son:  Tim?!  “There are some who call me Tim.”

(Husband and Son imagine Monty Python’s Tim the Enchanter starring in a leadership video.  Teaching people to clasp their hands together.)

Me:  Wait a minute.  What you’re saying is that if you are a good kisser then you’re not a thinker?  And if you are a good thinker then you’re a terrible kisser?

Husband:  Why does the left thumb on top mean you are right-brained?

YD:  Because the right side of the brain governs the left side of the body.

Husband:  Which side do you use to talk with?

YD:  Well, what side of your mouth are you using?

Husband:  I speak out of both sides of my mouth.

I’m glad my daughter learned some good lessons about leadership from this video.  By Tim.  In music class.  

No wonder the election is going the way it is. 

Prayer Room

At the retreat

That’s me this morning before dawn, opening and closing the door (which makes far louder a noise than I intended), turning on all the hall lights by mistake, interrupting the few other early morning risers.  I’m just bumbling around at 6:15 in the morning, wondering who Jesus is.

This year at the retreat we have an honest-to-God prayer room.  Some participants have asked for this for years, but for whatever reason it didn’t happen until this year.  I thought that simply an empty room with a few chairs would suffice.  After all, one can pray just about anywhere, right? Happily, somebody else, not me, is in charge of setting up the prayer room.

Early Saturday morning I decide to go to the prayer room to say a quick prayer for my parents.  I am always saying quick prayers for my parents, so I’m expecting nothing special. What I find is different and better than a sparse room.  The lights are dimmed and there are candles, a figurine of people standing in a circle holding hands, a mini-waterfall, and some books.  One is titled “Jesus Calling.”  Well, I guess Jesus is calling me to stay in this room a while.

For a while I just stand, contemplating the quiet and calm. Then, feeling too closed in, and I decide to open the blind.  It is still quite dark, but the outside floodlights illuminate the steady snow, falling on the trees and the bushes, on the road and the fields, on the just and the unjust, on the weak and the strong, on all the children of God.  I think of my father in Parkinson’s Land, of my mother in Caregiver’s Land, and all the others stumbling through life and the approach to death. The falling snow is too much beauty to comprehend. 

There are paper and pens for writing prayers.  This is helpful, as it makes me put my prayer into intelligible words.  I haven’t found out this morning exactly who Jesus is, but I have found a place where I can write him a note, say what’s going on, bare my soul, cry my eyes out, and thank God for reminding me of beauty and sorrow so early in the morning.

A few minutes later I am heading to the exercise class, ready to start my day.

* * * * *

It is now a week later.  I am not sure anymore exactly what I wrote in my prayer.  Just asking God to help my parents through their suffering, to give them joy and laughter as much as possible, and to be with them always. 

Photos were taken after prayer, just before exercise.  I always find a way to stay busy.

Vignette from the Common Household

Youngest Daughter is in the kitchen baking a cake, singing the song “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan with her own lyrics:  “Missus, I’ll make a cook out of you!... Let’s get down to stirring... with all the strength of a raging pie crust, as serious as the dark side of the cake!”  Earlier this afternoon, tired of her wasting her brain in front of Phineas and Ferb, I gave her a choice: “For dinner tonight you are going to make either a vegetable or a dessert.  You pick which one.”  She will not let me see the recipe she is using.  Maybe it’s carrot cake, which would qualify for both categories!

Meanwhile, Son is at the piano, pounding out John Williams' theme from the “Superman” movie.   It has a lot of octaves and loud chords.

I am in the office, agonizing over the date of next year’s retreat, listing the tasks my aunt needs to do to be ready to move to the retirement home, and trying to ignore my sore throat and impending cold.

Oldest Daughter is at college, doing who knows what, but probably pining away for the care package that I have not sent to her yet.  Sorry, sweetie!  I didn’t get to it yet.  But don’t worry, it will not have any singing rabbi dolls in it this time.

My husband is at work.  Good thing one of us did some work today.

What's going on with you right now?

List for today

A miracle occurred this morning: Youngest Daughter got herself up for school on time! 

Meanwhile, I overslept and didn’t get out of bed until 7:20.  Maybe it’s because I face a big to-do list today.  My singularly uninteresting and suburban-housewifely list is below, for those of you who love reading lists.  It’s now 11:00 AM and I have gotten the groceries, made the appointment for the car, and started the laundry.  But it looks like there needs to be another miracle for any more of my list to get done.  (Notice how ‘write a blog post’ was not on my list.)  I think I ought to add 'Be grateful for small miracles' to my list.

What’s on your list for today?

Doctor’s appt (annual checkup) at 2 pm – check address

Call Mom – discuss dates for family conference regarding Dad’s medical treatment

Call Aunt – help her find someone to go to her basement and sort stuff

Groceries

Get refill on asthma inhaler

Laundry

Wash sheets

Assemble and send care pkg to Oldest Daughter at college

RSVP for Saturday’s soup social

Scout Shabbat on Friday – what time?

Work – respond to request, continue 3 projects

Take a walk?

Order The Next Christians for book discussion

Make dinner

Fill out and send Merit Badge Counselor registration form

Find out time of SAT on Saturday

Look at May calendar and send piano teacher viable dates for recital

Make appt for car repair

Send refund checks for those who didn’t make it to the retreat

Call retreat center to reserve 2013 date

Send e-mail to retreat participants asking for photos

Pay qtly township taxes

On the menu

I am outta here!  I am retreating for the weekend to my church’s annual women’s retreat.  There is a winter storm scheduled to start late tonight, into tomorrow morning, but I plan to get out of town before the storm hits.

Last night at dinner we had this conversation in preparation for the survival of the rest of the family, while I am gone.

Common Household Husband:  What should we have to eat while Mom is away?

Son: Obviously, we need Ho-hos, Doritos, nutter-butters...

Husband:  What about the main course?

Youngest Daughter:  Your hamburgers!

Son:  We could have Twinkies, but they’re going out of business.

YD:  Your hamburgers, Dad!

Son:  How about Cheese Whiz?

Husband:  I don’t think I’ve ever had Cheese Whiz.  Where I grew up, they have Hickory Farms. There’s nothing like a Hickory Farms port wine cheese ball! ... So, what do you want for the main course?

Son:  How about Chicken Parmesan?

Husband:  (glares at son, because Husband does not want to cook this weekend, and doesn’t know where to buy Chicken Parmesan)

YD: Do you mean Parmesan Chicken?

I am hoping, for the pizza delivery person’s sake, that the Wintry Mix is all over with by the time the Common Household wants its dinner Saturday night.  And it’s too bad that Hostess Brands couldn’t have held off on the bankruptcy, because purchases of their products will likely increase this weekend.

If you were away for the weekend, what would your household eat?