Professorial Enthusiasm During Breakfast

The scene:  breakfast in the kitchen of the Common Household, on a day not long ago...

Husband:  Okay!  Today I’m attending the Anatomy and Physiology class!  Do you think that the students will be able to guess that I’m not a student?

Me (lying):  Sure.  You’re not wearing a tie, so they’ll never guess.

Husband:   (with mounting enthusiasm):  What are the eleven systems that allow the human body to work?

Me:  The Parkway North, the Parkway East, the Parkway West, the Red Belt, Orange Belt, Yellow Belt…

Husband:   I bet there is one that you won’t be able to think of!

Me (thinking of what is the most obscure one, with the biggest medical-sounding term):  Okay, I’ve got one.  The endocrine system.

Husband (unimpressed by my ability to come up with that three-syllable word):    Yes…. And?

Me:    The ethical system?

Husband:

Me (testing my own human body to see what’s working at the moment):  Let’s see.  Breathing.

Husband: Yes, the respiratory system.

Me (taking another spoonful of cereal):  Eating.

Husband: Yes, the digestive system.

Me (having drunk a giant mug of tea, thinking of a system that is very important to me):   I know!  The bladder!

Husband: Isn’t that part of the digestive system?   (We found out later that it isn’t.  Husband is a neurobiologist, and isn’t a post-menopausal woman, so he doesn’t think about the bladderly part of the body very often.)

Me:  Hmmm.  Ah, the nerves.

Husband:  The nervous system.

Me (beginning to notice that he is turning my perfectly acceptable words into more impressive sounding anatomical vocabulary.  Because that's the job of a professor.): The muscles?  The bones?

Husband:   Yes, the muscular system and the skeletal system.  That’s six.

Me:  You mean there are seven more I haven’t thought of?! (Hey, it was too early for arithmetic.  Grasping at straws, I say this:) Okay, the fingernail system.

Husband:   Well… That’s part of one of the systems.

Me:  Hair?  No, I know, the skin!

Husband:   Yes.  The skin, fingernails, and hair are all part of the integumentary system.

Me (ignoring his use of a word I have never heard):  How about the brain?  No that’s part of the neural system.  I give up. I can’t think of the rest.

Husband: There’s the cardiovascular system.

Me (looking down at my cereal with shame at not having thought of that first):  Well, that’s important.

Husband: The lymphatic system.  (looking online) Oh, you were right.  The urinary system is separate from the digestive system.  Look, here’s a diagram of the lymphatic system!

Me (noticing an undesirable resemblance between my bowl of cereal and the photo on the screen):  Hey, I am trying to eat my breakfast here.

Husband: The last one is the reproductive system!

Me (hoping he will not show me pictures): I’m sorry.  That system has shut down.  It is no longer functioning.

* * * * * * *

I guess it’s good to have an enthusiastic professor, even if he’s just attending class, not teaching it.  But really, during my breakfast?  I thought that with no kids around, I wouldn't have to endure talking about icky topics while eating.

A likeness of the human body that has none of the 11 systems.