Thursday, September 10, 2015

Professorial Enthusiasm During Breakfast

The scene:  breakfast in the kitchen of the Common Household, on a day not long ago...

Husband:  Okay!  Today I’m attending the Anatomy and Physiology class!  Do you think that the students will be able to guess that I’m not a student?

Me (lying):  Sure.  You’re not wearing a tie, so they’ll never guess.

Husband:   (with mounting enthusiasm):  What are the eleven systems that allow the human body to work?

Me:  The Parkway North, the Parkway East, the Parkway West, the Red Belt, Orange Belt, Yellow Belt…

Husband:   I bet there is one that you won’t be able to think of!

Me (thinking of what is the most obscure one, with the biggest medical-sounding term):  Okay, I’ve got one.  The endocrine system.

Husband (unimpressed by my ability to come up with that three-syllable word):    Yes…. And?

Me:    The ethical system?


Me (testing my own human body to see what’s working at the moment):  Let’s see.  Breathing.

Husband: Yes, the respiratory system.

Me (taking another spoonful of cereal):  Eating.

Husband: Yes, the digestive system.

Me (having drunk a giant mug of tea, thinking of a system that is very important to me):   I know!  The bladder!

Husband: Isn’t that part of the digestive system?   (We found out later that it isn’t.  Husband is a neurobiologist, and isn’t a post-menopausal woman, so he doesn’t think about the bladderly part of the body very often.)

Me:  Hmmm.  Ah, the nerves.

Husband:  The nervous system.

Me (beginning to notice that he is turning my perfectly acceptable words into more impressive sounding anatomical vocabulary.  Because that's the job of a professor.): The muscles?  The bones?

Husband:   Yes, the muscular system and the skeletal system.  That’s six.

Me:  You mean there are seven more I haven’t thought of?! (Hey, it was too early for arithmetic.  Grasping at straws, I say this:) Okay, the fingernail system.

Husband:   Well… That’s part of one of the systems.

Me:  Hair?  No, I know, the skin!

Husband:   Yes.  The skin, fingernails, and hair are all part of the integumentary system.

Me (ignoring his use of a word I have never heard):  How about the brain?  No that’s part of the neural system.  I give up. I can’t think of the rest.

Husband: There’s the cardiovascular system.

Me (looking down at my cereal with shame at not having thought of that first):  Well, that’s important.

Husband: The lymphatic system.  (looking online) Oh, you were right.  The urinary system is separate from the digestive system.  Look, here’s a diagram of the lymphatic system!

Me (noticing an undesirable resemblance between my bowl of cereal and the photo on the screen):  Hey, I am trying to eat my breakfast here.

Husband: The last one is the reproductive system!

Me (hoping he will not show me pictures): I’m sorry.  That system has shut down.  It is no longer functioning.

* * * * * * *

I guess it’s good to have an enthusiastic professor, even if he’s just attending class, not teaching it.  But really, during my breakfast?  I thought that with no kids around, I wouldn't have to endure talking about icky topics while eating.

A likeness of the human body that has none of the 11 systems.


The Crislers said...

You are such a good sport. Any husband that tries to talk to me in the early morning is a dead husband.

Cassi said...

You are very patient. I think I might have thrown my cereal about half way through :-)

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

This would be dinner conversation at my house, except you are much funnier than me.
"That system has shut down. It is no longer functioning." Hahahahaha (YES)

Angie said...

Love his enthusiasm! I enjoy anatomy and physiology, too.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Wow. I'm so much smarter after reading this post. And That word you never heard of? Me either. Like, I never heard of 5 of the words in this post.