Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Men and their Thoughts

Some of the thoughts of the Common Household Men, about manly things, such as vehicles, hormones, and other men.

In January, the Common Household Husband and Son tried to fix the basement steps, with much loud hammering.  Then they gave up.  As they were coming up from the basement, I heard my son say, “Maybe there’s a post-Christmas sale on forklifts.”

Me, alarmed:  “We need a forklift now?!”

Son:  “We have always needed a forklift.  We just haven’t gotten one yet.”

Husband: “I can’t believe we’ve gone this long without a forklift.”

* * * * * * * * *

Me:  I wish we could get a smaller car.

Husband: But if we had a smaller car, when we go to buy our treadmill, how will we get it home?

Me:  Our treadmill, if we ever buy one, will be delivered by a strapping young man.

Husband: Yeah, I bet you would like that.

Me:  He would put it together for us.

Husband: What’s the point of getting a treadmill if you don’t get it with a strapping young man?

* * * * * * * * *

Husband is reading the newspaper.  He says “Here’s the explanation right here.”  He reads from the newspaper:   “‘...the mother’s placenta early in pregnancy responds to phthalate exposure by disrupting human chorionic gonadotropin levels.’”

Me:    “The explanation for what?”

Husband:   “Men.”

* * * * * * * * *

Me: Did you know that my father once wrote a letter to J. Edgar Hoover?!

Son: Who was J. Edgar Hoover?

Husband: I think he made vacuum cleaners.

Son: Was he a president?

Husband: He was the president right before Harrison Ford was president.

* * * * * * * * *

Husband: I’m reading about testosterone and epilepsy.

Me: Testosterone causes epilepsy?!

Husband:  Sure.  Doesn’t everything?

* * * * * * * * *

Just to fill you in on some of the issues mentioned above:  we have not yet bought a forklift or a treadmill.  Sadly, we rather urgently have to buy a new (used) car, and all we know is that it will not be a Hummer or a Smartcar.  J. Edgar Hoover never answered my father’s letter.  And I have no explanation for men.

Oh, and the annual tax returns are done.  Now for the quarterly taxes and the FAFSA.  Sigh.


Angie said...

Is it time for FAFSA again? Love your stories, CHM!

Cassi said...

Rob has never expressed interest in a forklift. Instead, it's always a Bobcat. One Christmas, Emma and I put a matchbox bobcat in his stocking. Now, whenever he says he needs a bobcat, we remind him that he already has one :-)

My taxes are done too --thank god for Turbotax.

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

Some of this sounds like conversation at my dinner table. You have my sympathies.

My husband did our taxes via TurboTax but then our resident adult son also did his taxes and something messed up. Now dh has to re-do it.

Also, apparently I can dance like a robot... love your captcha!

The Crislers said...

The mere mention of the FAFSA triggers involuntary weeping in me. I can feel my breath starting to hitch right now.

I have a couple friends who own their own businesses, and their year-round tax battles always seem like a nightmare to me. So... good luck with those.

What did your Dad write to J. Edgar Hoover about? Are you just finding out about this? I need more information!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

My men have similar needs. Chainsaws, bigger ones, and power tools. And a bobcat. But a forklift! That is cool stuff to dream about!