Friday, February 8, 2013

Why did the chicken cross the road?


I saw this question posted online, with answers from forty-some Great Thinkers such as…

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

I thought it was clever, and sent it to my children.  My son responded the next day with his own list of philosophers’ answers.  I was surprised that he knew anything about O.J. Simpson, Mr. T., and that episode in the life of Pres. Bill Clinton.  Did they teach him about that stuff in school?

Without further ado, his answers:

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Melville:  To seek revenge on the great white farmer.

Romney:  To create jobs and help small businesses.

Hillel:  What is the significance of chickens in the book of Exodus?

Mao tse-Tung:  It crossed the road for the greater good of all China!

Calvin:  It was destined to cross the road.

Martin Luther King, Jr:  I have a dream that chickens may be judged by the quality of their meat, not by the color of their eggs.

Gandhi:  To nonviolently demonstrate against the unjust traffic.

Clinton:  That depends on the meaning of the word 'why'.

Neil Armstrong:  That's one small step for a chicken ... one great leap for birdkind.

Arnold Schwarzenegger:  The chicken must be terminated.

Kennedy:  Ask not why the chicken crossed the road, ask why the road was in the middle of a chicken coop.

Darth Sidious:  The chicken was following the path to the Dark Side.

Mad Libs:  The elephant crossed the desert in order to jump the slime.

Michael Faraday:  The chicken was following the lines of a chicken force field across the road.

Mr. T:  I pity the chicken!

Newton:  There was a net force being exerted on the chicken, which caused it to accelerate in the positive x direction, overcome the force of static friction, and crossing the road.

Osama bin Laden:  The chicken was leading a jihad against the infidels!

Jesus:  The chicken wished for his neighbor to cross the road.

OJ Simpson:  I don't know anything about any chicken, but if I did, this is why it would've crossed the road...

Lavoisier:  The chicken had the same mass before and after crossing the road.

Tolkien:  The chicken was embarking on a long journey through Middle Farm to destroy the Egg of Power by casting it into the Stove of Doom.

Mr. A (his 10th grade chemistry teacher):  There was a difference in the concentration of chickens from one side of the road to the other, so the chickens naturally sought to establish equilibrium.

* * * * *

Would you like to add one of your own?


Suburban Correspondent said...

Those are great!

Cassi Renee said...

Those are wonderful, and I especially like the one attributed to his teacher :-)

How about from one of my personal heroes:

Carl Sagan: Because there were billions and billions of chickens on that side of the road.

Angie said...

Anyone who lives in Louisiana knows that the chicken crossed the road simply to show the opossum it can indeed be done. (without becoming roadkill)

The Crislers said...

What a clever family you all are. There's a great children's picture book called... wait for it... "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?" Each pair of pages features an illustration by a prominent illustrator (Mo Willems and many more) that answers the question, and it's so fun. I know your kiddos are quite a bit past the age where they would enjoy a children's picture book, but it could be an interesting continuation of your question; I laugh a lot every time I go through it.

Common Household Mom said...

I love your responses!

Kristy, even though my kids are past that age, I will be looking for that book at the library.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

GOP: To steal from the hard-working, tax-paying chickens.

But seriously, those are really funny.

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andrea from raising peanut said...

My answer to Why did the chicken cross the road:

1. An Interactive Designer was on the other side. She needed a new website to illustrate her white paper, "Why Chickens Need Room".

2. She saw her Rooster boyfriend and wanted to give him a kiss (Valentines Day IS approaching)

BTW, I'm impressed with your son's answers too. I often cannot believe how much my son has changed and learned in just ONE year of school. He knows about peripheral vision already! And he's four people! FOUR! :) :)