This is an update on my post of a few weeks ago, in which I avoided a broken ankle. My husband cleverly fixed the offending basement step. Yay! But now the whole staircase suspiciously makes a squeaky chirp with every step, so when I walk up or down the basement steps it sounds like a tiny aviary.
Then a few days ago, in the course of the following conversation, I found out that another part of our house is architecturally challenged. Oddly, my discovery stemmed from a discussion about Scout merit badges:
Son: Dad, did you hear about the chess merit badge?!
Husband: Yes, I heard about it. Will it enable you to repave the driveway?
Son: No. There is no driveway paving merit badge.
Husband: Will it enable you to clean the gutters in the fall and the spring?
Husband: Then I see no practical purpose to the chess merit badge. But I saw in your Boy’s Life magazine how one scout built a deck for his Eagle project.
Me: Yeah, that was in Angie Dilmore’s article! (She is my friend and is an actual published writer!)
Husband: Well, we could use a new deck.
Son: Dad. The Eagle project is not allowed to benefit yourself.
Husband: You could at least learn those skills while doing your Eagle project. There is already a loose board on the deck that needs to be replaced before someone puts their foot through it.
Me: What?! Which plank is it?
Husband: I’m not telling you. Just take a BIG step when you go out on the deck.
Me: I would like not to put my foot through a rotting board. I already nearly broke my neck by going down the basement stairs when nobody BOTHERED to tell me the step was broken.
Husband: But if I tell you which plank it is, you’re going to put up all kinds of warning signs and tape which will strangle people.
* * * * *
It is true that I may have slightly overreacted to the broken basement step issue by putting up several spider-webs’ worth of freezer tape across the staircase, as a warning to myself and other hapless mothers who might mistakenly use the broken step.
This time I have not posted anything to warn people away from the faulty plank on the deck. So when you come over, be sure to use the front door. When I suggest that we go out back to the deck, you should insist on staying in the living room.