Sunday, September 18, 2011

For your safety

This is an update on my post of a few weeks ago, in which I avoided a broken ankle.  My husband cleverly fixed the offending basement step.  Yay!  But now the whole staircase suspiciously makes a squeaky chirp with every step, so when I walk up or down the basement steps it sounds like a tiny aviary.

Then a few days ago, in the course of the following conversation, I found out that another part of our house is architecturally challenged.  Oddly, my discovery stemmed from a discussion about Scout merit badges:

Son:  Dad, did you hear about the chess merit badge?!

Husband:  Yes, I heard about it.  Will it enable you to repave the driveway?

Son:  No.  There is no driveway paving merit badge.

Husband: Will it enable you to clean the gutters in the fall and the spring?

Son: No.

Husband:  Then I see no practical purpose to the chess merit badge. But I saw in your Boy’s Life magazine how one scout built a deck for his Eagle project.

Me:  Yeah, that was in Angie Dilmore’s article!  (She is my friend and is an actual published writer!)

Husband:  Well, we could use a new deck.

Son:  Dad.  The Eagle project is not allowed to benefit yourself.

Husband: You could at least learn those skills while doing your Eagle project.  There is already a loose board on the deck that needs to be replaced before someone puts their foot through it.

Me:  What?! Which plank is it?

Husband:  I’m not telling you.  Just take a BIG step when you go out on the deck.

Me:  I would like not to put my foot through a rotting board.  I already nearly broke my neck by going down the basement stairs when nobody BOTHERED to tell me the step was broken.

Husband:  But if I tell you which plank it is, you’re going to put up all kinds of warning signs and tape which will strangle people.
* * * * * 

It is true that I may have slightly overreacted to the broken basement step issue by putting up several spider-webs’ worth of freezer tape across the staircase, as a warning to myself and other hapless mothers who might mistakenly use the broken step. 

This time I have not posted anything to warn people away from the faulty plank on the deck.  So when you come over, be sure to use the front door.  When I suggest that we go out back to the deck, you should insist on staying in the living room. 


Renee said...

The Common Household Husband seems to have a tiny bit of a one-track focus :-) Of course, what is the point of having children if you can't get them to do the stuff you don't want to do anymore?

BTW, Metamorphic Petrology :-)

Common Household Mom said...

There should be a merit badge for Metamorphic Petrology.

Angie said...

But you know, there are merit badges for chemistry, composite materials, and home improvement. Surely one of those could apply to driveway paving! No?