Saturday, August 6, 2011

One Simple Step

How to Do Away with Your Mother in One Simple Step

From the top, the stairwell looks like this:

It looks like fine territory for a middle-aged woman to go blithely skipping down in order to retrieve her laundry.  After all, she’s been down these steps many times, without any mishap. 

When your mother arrives home from running errands, and finds you playing blithely on the Wii, and asks you blithely, “Did anyone call?” and you blithely say, “Yes, Mrs X called,” then your mother will not suspect anything.  She will be in a state of blitheness.

When you see your mother starting down the basement stairs, don’t say anything.  Just continue playing on the Wii, so that she assumes all is normal.

All the while, secretly, you are waiting for her to get to the penultimate step.   You have strategically neglected to tell her that the step is actually like this:

Wait to hear your mother exclaim, “Aaaaah! I nearly broke my ankle!  How did I do that?”  There will only be a few moments before she exclaims again, “The step has collapsed!  I could have broken my neck!”  She thinks somberly of her aunt, who is currently languishing with a broken foot.

When your mother makes it back up the basement stairs and looks at you accusingly, THEN is when you say, “Oh, yeah, the basement step broke.”  Then go back to playing the Wii.  Be sure to play blithely.  When your mother asks you to explain HOW the basement step was broken, give only the sparest of details, such as, “I stepped on it, and it broke.” 

* * * * *

This event occurred this morning in the Common Household.  I am fine, but feel I have had a Close Call.  We are looking for a carpenter or magician to build or conjure up some new basement steps.  The first time this happened, to the bottom-most step, my husband cleverly repaired it.  But now the steps are shot.  The silver lining to this cloud is that I never wasted any time cleaning this stairwell.    

If you come to visit, take notice.  You have been warned.


Joanie said...

Someone does not understand the seriousness of the situation. Perhaps someone should be shipped off to boarding school. Or perhaps u should get a stair master.

Renee said...

We have stairs like that (the laundry used to be down there), and the broken step (in the middle) has never yet been fixed. We just warn each other each time we go up and down it --"Remember that step!" :-)

Sparkling said...

That is excellent. Maybe you should just put in an elevator.

Maria Sondule said...

Haha I can totally imagine my bro doing that.