Next week is going to be a very tough week for the Common
Household. This isn’t an easy post to
write, and no fun to read, either.
My father went to the hospital Tuesday with an infection,
and the outcome is not good. Today he entered
hospice care. I’ve had a steely resolve about hospice care being the right
thing for him, for quite some time now. Why,
now that the time has come, has my steeliness dissolved? I still know it’s the right decision, but I
am not feeling like steel at all.
In the coming week, my husband will be traveling to go to
his uncle’s funeral. Another
sadness, and I can’t go with him. One
unnerving thing about his trip is that he has booked a room at a hotel which
costs $54 a night. I am under the
perhaps snobbish impression that if one stays at a hotel at that low price, one
will get caught in drug-raid crossfire or will be overtaken by vicious
molds. (This is what comes of watching Downton Abbey every day of the
week.) On several counts, I’ll be very relieved when he returns.
I was going to go to see my parents today, but last night
Youngest Daughter had a fever. It looks
like it is just a bad cold – the fever is gone, and for that I am quite
grateful. But I am here, and not there
where I could have been some help to my Mom. Who
knows, though – maybe I am meant to be here at home.
I will try to carry on this week, helping my kids go on with
their normal lives, but with a layer of prayer underlying everything. Anne Lamott says that the three main modes of
prayer are Help, Thanks, and Wow. I will
be using all three prayers liberally this coming week. (I’ve said Help a lot already, and I'm saying Thanks and Wow today for the
support and love I’m receiving from friends.)
And I’ll probably be doing a lot of crying, laughing, singing, and baking.
Anything to get through it.
Update: My dad passed away peacefully, in the presence of my Mom and my brother, late in the evening on January 19.
Update: My dad passed away peacefully, in the presence of my Mom and my brother, late in the evening on January 19.
5 comments:
I love Anne Lamott and got that book for Christmas, but I haven't read the whole thing yet.
Big hug!
I think we all feel the same way about hospice care. You can't help but second guess yourself at that point - have we given up? Is this the right thing to do? I think that's why many people I've known have hesitated to call in hospice for their parents when it could have helped and have instead waited until almost the end. They don't want to give up. Yet, in the meantime, their parents suffer. It's a difficult decision to make, when you are actually in the situation of having to make it.
Also, I remember exactly zero drug-raid shootouts at cheap hotels in Downton Abbey. I would worry about bedbugs instead.
Oh, I am so sorry. There aren't any words, really, but I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
I'm happy to hear your dad passed on in the presence of those who loved him, but so sorry for you and all those he left behind. I wish I had more and better words, so instead I'll fall back on one of my favorite verses about prayer: "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26.
Love and prayers.
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