Friday, May 27, 2011

Concert or Football Game?

We interrupt our fun and frazzled end-of-the-school-year feelings for this important post.  The school music concert season is upon us again. The Common Household Mom has noticed that people at music concerts mistakenly behave as if they are at a football game. Here are the Common Household Helpful Hints on...

How to tell the difference between a school football game and a school music concert

Don't make noise here:

Make noise here:

Football game:  talking is allowed during the performance.
Music concert:  no talking.  It even explained this in the program, but I guess nobody in the Neanderthal crowd knows how to read, much less obey concert behavior guidelines.

This means you, teachers.  You are getting paid to be there. I appreciate your effort to set a good example by not getting caught talking:  you talk only during the music selections and are sure to be quiet during the applause portion.  Congratulations – you thoroughly marred my only chance this year to hear the 6th grade band. 

This means you, parents.  Even if you are keen to discuss your brilliant idea for bringing about peace in the Middle East, don’t do it now.  Wait until after the concert when the President calls you.  In case you hadn’t noticed, (and you hadn’t noticed, because you were talking) our high school orchestra is a lot better than the chance for peace in the Middle East.

This means you, students sitting in the back waiting for your turn to play.  Just shut it.  The students on stage now are working just as hard as you will be when it is your turn, and you owe them your respect and attention. 

Football game: moving about is encouraged.  Jump, pump your fist in the air, rock back and forth singing, “Heeeeey, hey Baby,  Oooh!   Aaaah! I wanna kno-o-o-o-w if you’ll be my girl.”
Music concert:  if you have to move about, please do it in between songs.  If you must leave the auditorium, leave through the back so you can avoid making noise opening the side doors.

To the little girl who had to leave during the music:  I forgive you.  You are young and didn’t know any better and probably needed to get to the bathroom right away.  I am grateful that at least you weren’t talking, although your parents probably were. And I appreciate that you waited to clang the door shut until right after my daughter’s viola solo.

Football game: takes place outside.  The sound of your voice at the football game carries no further than the bleacher which is 6 inches in front of your knees.  Go ahead, shout!  I can’t hear you anyway.
Music concert: takes place inside.  The sound of your whispering carries all the way across the auditorium, straight to my ears.  Go ahead, shut your mouth.

It may surprise all of you, but I did not come just to be seen by my child, but also to hear the music.  The elementary and middle school musicians are not quite on a par with, say, Itzhak Perlman, but they improve each time, and I love to notice the advancements they have made.  For instance, the 6th grade band is 127% better than the 5th grade band was. The high school musicians are just about on a par with Itzhak Perlman, and you should be listening closely and taking note of the names in the program.  Some of them will be famous someday.  Make sure when that moment comes, you can say, “I heard her perform,” and not “I was disrespectfully running my mouth when she performed.”

These concerts are the product of many class hours.  When you are invited to a concert, it is as if you are invited to attend your child's final exam.  You wouldn't talk during your kid's final exam in math, would you?

End of rant.  We now resume our regularly scheduled season of fun and frazzlement.


Renee said...

This is a great rant (and you've listed some of the reasons I don't go to football games).

Those kids on stage have worked so hard to be there, they deserve the same respect as Itzhak Perlman.

Stephanie Anthony/She Rev said...

Love it! I was, back in the day, both proudly one of those orchestra students playing and shamefully one of those talking and snickering in the back waiting for my turn. I have to admit it never occurred ti me that some one really might be trying to listen, not just be seen by their kid in the audience.

journeytoepiphany said...

Bravo! Encore! Touchdown! WooHoo!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ditto Theater performances!