Saturday, July 17, 2010

Train up a child in the way he should go

There are many things a mother wants to teach her children before sending them out into the wide world to seek their own fortune.  One of these things is how to maintain a suitable dinner-table conversation.  Let’s take a peek at the Common Household dinner table and see how the lessons are going....

One evening at dinner, out of the blue, the Youngest Daughter said, “Horses are not able to regurgitate.”

* * * *

Usually these statements come near the end of the meal, when everyone else except yours truly has finished eating.  Some other time we will address the question of why they finish before I do.  Nevertheless, while I am still eating I enjoy topics such as this:

Youngest Daughter:  "Brain surgeons can poke around in your brain without you feeling it!"

Her cousin:  "You know, there’s a way to do that through your nose!"

* * * *

Sometimes the statements made at the dinner table are just so completely unexpected that the Proper Person is unable to reply.  Please notice who is making the unexpected statements here.

Husband:  “I went to the casino today and I played tic-tac-toe against a live chicken.” 

Me:  “!”

Youngest Daughter:  “But what if you were actually playing against a dead chicken?”

Husband:  “Then I would be very suspicious.  [Wait for it...]  I would suspect fowl play.”

* * * *

Oldest Daughter: “Did you know that people look to the nose first, when they look at someone’s face?  In order to see if they recognize them.”

Youngest Daughter:  “I find myself noticing noses lately.”

Husband:  “What about the killer whale?  Does anyone recognize the killer whale by his nose?”

* * * *

Husband:  “Does anyone know how long it takes to cook an oat?  I have to know for the dinner I’m cooking on Sunday.”

Me:  “You’re serving us one oat?    Kids, it’s going to be a meager dinner on Sunday.”

* * * *

And then occasionally the dinner-table conversation takes a sinister turn.

Dad:  “Just remember that revenge is a dish best served cold.”

After I explained the meaning of this aphorism to my daughter, she protested, “But that’s totally against the rules of revenge!”

Dad:  “There are no rules of revenge.”

Youngest Daughter:  “Yes there are!  I’ll show them to you after dinner.”


Angie Kay Dilmore said...

Wow, I'm lucky if I get two words out of my guys at the dinner table. At least yours are entertaining.

Anonymous said...

I read this to my mom over the phone. She said she was very impressed that you guys eat dinner together, as so many families don't. She was so impressed, I don't think she got how funny the conversations are!

Common Household Mom said...

We do try to eat dinner together when we can. It's a struggle some weeks, when any one of the kids can have something scheduled right during dinner time. But with conversations like these, why would we WANT to miss dinner?