Saturday, October 1, 2016

A Gourdly Season

For behold, the Lord said: You shall find vines growing in the land, and you shall gather thereof gourds of orange flesh and round.  You shall carry these gourds nigh unto the thresholds of the canning factories of the house of Libby wherein they shall be turned into canned pumpkin. 

Be not anxious for the particular subspecies of gourd: for the Lord does not make a distinction between the carving pumpkin and the Dickinson pumpkin.  Behold, they are all squash.  You shall eat joyously of the Dickinson pumpkin, because the house of Libby has named it after a very interesting poet.  And having pumpkin, let us therewith be content.

Take you also unto yourselves principal spices, of clove and ginger, and of sweet cinnamon.  This shall be a sweet savour before the Lord.  And you shall call its name ‘pumpkin spice’.  Let all the people of the land rejoice.

In your mixing bowls and your cooking pots, you shall combine the gourd and the spice, and it shall be holy and acceptable unto all households. 
You shall mix pumpkin spice into all manner of foodstuffs;
even into your coffee and your sausages;
            You shall blend it into your cream cheese and your pop-tarts. 

Yes, there is Pumpkin cream cheese
and pumpkin spice sausage.
Haven't tried the sausages yet.  I think
the cream cheese is pretty good.
And you shall bake royal dainties: even shall you make pumpkin muffins (see recipe below), pumpkin raisin bread, pumpkin pies, pumpkin challah, pumpkin cookies, and low-fat pumpkin custard. 

Muffins for the masses and loaves for the freezer.

And it shall be pleasing unto all members of the household, even unto the next generation.  And all your household shall inquire of you, “Are these pumpkin muffins for The Ladies*, or can we have some for breakfast?”  Thus shall you reply: “I have not invited any Ladies.  You may have muffins for breakfast and lo, the rest will go into the freezer for a time to come.”   And their hearts will be filled with gladness.

Thus saith the Lord: You shall keep this ordinance in this season from year to year.  You shall not eat one day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days; But even a whole month and longer. 

Some of the people will wail and gnash their teeth and say, we have had pumpkin spice until it come out at our nostrils, and it be loathsome unto us.  It is true that Pumpkin Pie Pop-tarts, while alliterative, are an abomination. 
This photo is from 2011.  That is the last time I bought
these Pop-tarts, and I vowed never to buy them again.
The coming of the season of pumpkin spice shall be a sign unto you that it is time to start cleaning out the freezer to make room for the Thanksgiving pies. 

And there is evening, and there is morning, and there is pumpkin.  And it is good.

                                                                 - the Book of Comestibles 11:18-35

* * * * * * * * * 

Common Household Pumpkin Bread

Makes 2 large loaves, or lots of muffins

Dry ingredients:
3 1/2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
3 teaspoons cinnamon

Wet ingredients:
4 beaten eggs
1/3 cup orange juice
2/3 cup oil
2/3 cup water
1 15 oz. can pumpkin 

Optional ingredients
raisins, nuts, craisins, chocolate chips are optional

Grease and flour pans.  Preheat oven to 350 F.
Mix together dry ingredients (you can sift them if you want).
In a separate bowl, mix together wet ingredients.

Make a well in dry ingredients.  Add wet ingredients and mix until you are tired of mixing.  Add optional goodies if you want, and stir.

Bake in  350F oven for about 1 hour.  Or make muffins, baking for about 20 minutes.

Nutrient content:
1 serving of vegetable (for Son)
a little less fat than the other version, which has no orange juice and 1 cup oil.


Cassi said...

Oh, I just love these :-) I had to read it out loud to my husband.

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

I bet the orange juice makes those muffins really delicious. As soon as I've finished off the zucchini supply, to pumpkins I will go!

*secretly bummed that pumpkin pop-tarts are terrible

Patience_Crabstick said...

Ha ha!! :) I actually saw pumpkin spice chia seeds at Whole Foods.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I was VERY amused by the sheer number of "pumpkin" infused items for sale while grocery shopping last week. This post is so timely. And funny.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Looks yummy!