Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Return of the Native

The happy event that I am preparing for is my son’s arrival home from college for fall break!  Alas, Older Daughter will not be able to come home, because she is on a different schedule.

I need to stock up on his favorite foods, which include cinnamon sugar on waffles and peanut butter and jelly.  Pumpkin bread is the only vegetable he will eat, unless you count pasta made with Ragu sauce.  All served with a big glass of milk.

This is the child who has said these things:

Me, issuing instructions on making dinner:  “Son, get out the leftover chicken and put it in the microwave for 2 minutes.”

Son:  “I assume you want me to turn on the microwave?”

* * * * * * * *

May 10, 2014
Me:  I hate Mother’s Day.  It’s just one of those made-up holidays.

Son:    I thought it was in the Ten Commandments.    You know, “Honor your father and mother.”  That would make it one of the oldest holidays of all.

Me:  Yeah, well, it doesn’t say “Honor your father and mother on one Sunday out of the whole year.”  You have to honor them every day, “So that you may live long in the land.” 

Son:  It doesn’t say that, does it?

Me:  (I arise in indignation, to look for my Bible to find the exact quote.)  Yes, it does say that.  I’ll show you.

Son:    Are you going to get the original tablets?

* * * * * * * *

I was repacking stuff from my purse into a smaller purse, in preparation for a Mother’s Day outing.  I said out loud, “Do I need my calculator?”  Son said, “No, you have me for that.”

* * * * * * * *

In his late teenage years, my son seems to be a bit prone to ear infections.  When he came back from college in May, he got another ear infection.  We were talking about his ear drops. 

Common Household Husband: “That stuff is just made of ascetic acid.”  (pronounced “ah-SEH-tic.”)
Son:    “Dad.  It’s not a-seh-tic, it’s ‘acetic’.” (pronounced “ah-SEE-tic.”)

Husband :  “No, it’s ascetic acid.”

Son:  “That would be acid that’s reclusive.”

* * * * * * * *

I went to the bank and the grocery store with the Common Household Husband  and Son. 
We went to the bank because Son had to make a deposit.  I said, “Can Dad and I stay in the car, or do you need us to come into the bank with you?”

Son said, “Is it against the law for me to leave my parents in the car while I run errands?”

* * * * * * * *

We are all looking forward to his arrival.  


Cassi Renee said...

I would still like to have dinner with your kids some time. Well, and you and their dad too, I'm sure :-)

That thing about turning on the microwave? I read that in Emma's voice without even thinking about it. It just came out that way.

Angie said...

Lucky you! Neither of my boys are coming home for fall break. We are going to Hammond to see Andrew tomorrow for their 20th birthdays!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Oh my goodness! So funny. You are sure to have a visit filled with laughter. :-D

The Crislers said...

I laughed all the way through this post. I was the biggest, most obnoxious, sarcastic know-it-all ever as a young'un; I hope my mom took it all with the same sense of humor you do. Actually- she must have, as I am still breathing.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Your kids totally keep you on your toes, don't they? Enjoy having your clan together again.

Sarah said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I needed the giggles tonight. Thanks!!

Patience_Crabstick said...

Ah, so this explains the disparate food items in your last post. Have fun during your visit!

smalltownme said...

He is priceless. Lucky you!