Thanksgiving turkey warning

This is what it says on the package of my Thanksgiving turkey:

"CONTAINS APPROXIMATELY 8% OF A SOLUTION"

A solution of what?

A solution to what?

Who writes these things?

Four things my kids know about famous people

Youngest Daughter:  “Clark Kent?  Didn’t Clark Kent write all those books under the name of Mark Twain?”

* * *

Dad:  “Did Ben Franklin invent the toilet?”

Oldest Daughter: “No, that was Leonardo diCaprio.”

* * *

Dad, explaining ancient comedians to the kids:  “George Burns played vaudeville.”

Son:  “Who’s Vaudeville?”

* * *

Piano teacher:  "Robert Schumann was born in 1810."

Youngest Daughter:  "Oh!  That's when my mommy was alive!"

Four things my father taught me

Cut an onion with a straight-edged knife, not a serrated knife.

When doing math homework, if you have to erase, erase completely. 

Pay attention to what Biblical scholars say more than what theologians say.

God has 100 names and only the camel knows all of them.  That explains why the camel always holds his head high when traveling through the desert.